Three Men and a MaidWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Three Men and a Maid
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
"Yes, sir. She had never thought much of him till that moment, sir.
Very cold and haughty she had been, his social status being
considerably inferior to her own. But, when she cried for help, and he
dashed out from behind a hedge, well, it made all the difference."
"I wonder where I could get a good tramp," said Sam, meditatively.
Webster shook his head.
"I really would hardly recommend such a procedure, sir."
"No, it would be difficult to make a tramp understand what you wanted."
Sam brightened.
"I've got it! _You_ pretend to attack her, and I'll...."
"I couldn't, sir! I couldn't really! I should jeopardise my situation."
"Oh, come! Be a man!"
"No, sir, I fear not. There's a difference between handing in your
resignation--I was compelled to do that only recently, owing to a few
words I had with the guv'nor, though subsequently prevailed upon to
withdraw it--I say there's a difference between handing in your
resignation and being given the sack, and that's what would
happen--without a character, what's more, and lucky if it didn't mean
a prison cell. No, sir; I could not contemplate such a thing."
"Then I don't see that there's anything to be done," said Sam morosely.
"Oh, I shouldn't say that, sir," said Webster, encouragingly. "It's
simply a matter of finding the way. The problem confronting us--you,
I should say...."
"Us," said Sam. "Most decidedly us."
"Thank you very much, sir. I would not have presumed, but if you say
so--The problem confronting us, as I envisage it, resolves itself into
this. You have offended our Miss B. and she has expressed a
disinclination ever to see you again. How, then, is it possible, in
spite of her attitude, to recapture her esteem?"
"Exactly," said Sam.
"There are several methods which occur to one...."
"They don't occur to _me!_"
"Well, for example, you might rescue her from a burning building as in
'True As Steel'...."
"Set fire to the house, eh?" said Sam, reflectively. "Yes, there might
be something in that."
"I would hardly advise such a thing," said Webster, a little
hastily--flattered at the readiness with which his disciple was taking
his advice, yet acutely alive to the fact that he slept at the top of
the house himself.
"A little drastic, if I may say so. It might be better to save her from
drowning, as in 'The Earl's Secret'."
"Ah, but where could she drown?"
"Well, there is a lake in the grounds...."
"Excellent!" said Sam. "Terrific! I knew I could rely on you. Say no
more! The whole thing's settled. You take her out rowing on the lake,
and upset the boat. I plunge in ... I suppose you can swim?"
"No, sir."
"Oh? Well, never mind. You'll manage somehow, I expect. Cling to the
upturned boat or something, I shouldn't wonder. There's always a way.
Yes, that's the plan. When is the earliest you could arrange this?"
"I fear such a course must be considered out of the question, sir. It
really wouldn't do."
"I can't see a flaw in it."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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