Three Men and a MaidWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Three Men and a Maid
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
"If you mean that you expect me to reward you if you drug the dog,"
said Sam, "don't worry. Let me bring this thing off, and you can have
all I've got, and my cuff-links as well. Come, now, this is really
beginning to look like something. Speak to me more of this matter.
Where do we go from here?"
"I beg your pardon, sir?"
"I mean, what's the next step in the scheme? Oh, Lord!" Sam's face
fell. The light of hope died out of his eyes. "It's all off! It can't
be done! How could I possibly get into the house? I take it that the
little brute sleeps in the house?"
"That need constitute no obstacle, sir; no obstacle at all. The animal
sleeps in a basket in the hall.... Perhaps you are familiar with the
interior of the house, sir?"
"I haven't been inside it since I was at school. I'm Mr. Hignett's
cousin, you know."
"Indeed, sir? I wasn't aware. Mr. Hignett sprained his ankle this
morning, poor gentleman."
"Has he?" said Sam, not particularly interested. "I used to stay with
him," he went on, "during the holidays sometimes, but I've practically
forgotten what the place is like inside. I remember the hall vaguely.
Fireplace at one side, one or two suits of armour standing about, a
sort of window-ledge near the front door.."
"Precisely, sir. It is close beside that window-ledge that the animal's
basket is situated. If I administer a slight soporific...."
"Yes, but you haven't explained yet how I am to get into the house in
the first place."
"Quite easily, sir. I can admit you through the drawing-room windows
while dinner is in progress."
"Fine!"
"You can then secrete yourself in the cupboard in the drawing-room.
Perhaps you recollect the cupboard to which I refer, sir?"
"No, I don't remember any cupboard. As a matter of fact, when I used to
stay at the house the drawing-room was barred.... Mrs. Hignett wouldn't
let us inside it for fear we should smash her china. Is there a
cupboard?"
"Immediately behind the piano, sir. A nice, roomy cupboard. I was
glancing into it myself in a spirit of idle curiosity only the other
day. It contains nothing except a few knick-knacks on an upper shelf.
You could lock yourself in from the interior, and be quite comfortably
seated on the floor till the household retired to bed."
"When would that be?"
"They retire quite early, sir, as a rule. By half-past ten the coast is
generally clear. At that time I would suggest that I came down and
knocked on the cupboard door to notify you that all was well."
Sam was glowing with frank approval.
"You know, you're a master-mind!" he said, enthusiastically.
"You're very kind, sir!"
"One of the lads, by Jove!" said Sam. "And not the worst of them! I
don't want to flatter you, but there's a future for you in crime, if
you cared to go in for it."
"I am glad that you appreciate my poor efforts, sir. Then we will
regard the scheme as passed and approved?"
"I should say we would! It's a bird!"
"Very good, sir."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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