Three men on the bummelJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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Three men on the bummel
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Bicycle touring -- Fiction; Black Forest (Germany) -- Fiction; British -- Germany -- Fiction; Humorous stories
Whether anything can properly be said in favour of the German Mensur I am
doubtful; but if so it concerns only the two combatants. Upon the
spectators it can and does, I am convinced, exercise nothing but evil. I
know myself sufficiently well to be sure I am not of an unusually
bloodthirsty disposition. The effect it had upon me can only be the
usual effect. At first, before the actual work commenced, my sensation
was curiosity mingled with anxiety as to how the sight would trouble me,
though some slight acquaintance with dissecting-rooms and operating
tables left me less doubt on that point than I might otherwise have felt.
As the blood began to flow, and nerves and muscles to be laid bare, I
experienced a mingling of disgust and pity. But with the second duel, I
must confess, my finer feelings began to disappear; and by the time the
third was well upon its way, and the room heavy with the curious hot
odour of blood, I began, as the American expression is, to see things
red.
I wanted more. I looked from face to face surrounding me, and in most of
them I found reflected undoubtedly my own sensations. If it be a good
thing to excite this blood thirst in the modern man, then the Mensur is a
useful institution. But is it a good thing? We prate about our
civilisation and humanity, but those of us who do not carry hypocrisy to
the length of self-deception know that underneath our starched shirts
there lurks the savage, with all his savage instincts untouched.
Occasionally he may be wanted, but we never need fear his dying out. On
the other hand, it seems unwise to over-nourish him.
In favour of the duel, seriously considered, there are many points to be
urged. But the Mensur serves no good purpose whatever. It is
childishness, and the fact of its being a cruel and brutal game makes it
none the less childish. Wounds have no intrinsic value of their own; it
is the cause that dignifies them, not their size. William Tell is
rightly one of the heroes of the world; but what should we think of the
members of a club of fathers, formed with the object of meeting twice a
week to shoot apples from their sons' heads with cross-bows? These young
German gentlemen could obtain all the results of which they are so proud
by teasing a wild cat! To join a society for the mere purpose of getting
yourself hacked about reduces a man to the intellectual level of a
dancing Dervish. Travellers tell us of savages in Central Africa who
express their feelings on festive occasions by jumping about and slashing
themselves. But there is no need for Europe to imitate them. The Mensur
is, in fact, the _reductio ad absurdum_ of the duel; and if the Germans
themselves cannot see that it is funny, one can only regret their lack of
humour.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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