Three men on the bummelJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Three men on the bummel
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Bicycle touring -- Fiction; Black Forest (Germany) -- Fiction; British -- Germany -- Fiction; Humorous stories
Some time in the small hours, the chairman suggested that to make things
more comfortable for those still upright, all the gentlemen unable to
keep their heads off the table should be sent home. Among those to whom
the proceedings had become uninteresting were the three Englishmen. It
was decided to put them into a cab in charge of a comparatively speaking
sober student, and return them. Had they retained their original seats
throughout the evening all would have been well; but, unfortunately, they
had gone walking about, and which gentleman belonged to which card nobody
knew--least of all the guests themselves. In the then state of general
cheerfulness, this did not to anybody appear to much matter. There were
three gentlemen and three addresses. I suppose the idea was that even if
a mistake were made, the parties could be sorted out in the morning.
Anyhow, the three gentlemen were put into a cab, the comparatively
speaking sober student took the three cards in his hand, and the party
started amid the cheers and good wishes of the company.
There is this advantage about German beer: it does not make a man drunk
as the word drunk is understood in England. There is nothing
objectionable about him; he is simply tired. He does not want to talk;
he wants to be let alone, to go to sleep; it does not matter
where--anywhere.
The conductor of the party stopped his cab at the nearest address. He
took out his worst case; it was a natural instinct to get rid of that
first. He and the cabman carried it upstairs, and rang the bell of the
Pension. A sleepy porter answered it. They carried their burden in, and
looked for a place to drop it. A bedroom door happened to be open; the
room was empty; could anything be better?--they took it in there. They
relieved it of such things as came off easily, and laid it in the bed.
This done, both men, pleased with themselves, returned to the cab.
At the next address they stopped again. This time, in answer to their
summons, a lady appeared, dressed in a tea gown, with a book in her hand.
The German student looked at the top one of two cards remaining in his
hand, and enquired if he had the pleasure of addressing Frau Y. It
happened that he had, though so far as any pleasure was concerned that
appeared to be entirely on his side. He explained to Frau Y. that the
gentleman at that moment asleep against the wall was her husband. The
reunion moved her to no enthusiasm; she simply opened the bedroom door,
and then walked away. The cabman and the student took him in, and laid
him on the bed. They did not trouble to undress him, they were feeling
tired! They did not see the lady of the house again, and retired
therefore without adieus.
The last card was that of a bachelor stopping at an hotel. They took
their last man, therefore, to that hotel, passed him over to the night
porter, and left him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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