Three men on the bummelJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Three men on the bummel
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Bicycle touring -- Fiction; Black Forest (Germany) -- Fiction; British -- Germany -- Fiction; Humorous stories
But in Germany a boy will walk for miles down a lonely road, hedged with
fruit trees, to buy a pennyworth of pears in the village at the other
end. To pass these unprotected fruit trees, drooping under their burden
of ripe fruit, strikes the Anglo-Saxon mind as a wicked waste of
opportunity, a flouting of the blessed gifts of Providence.
I do not know if it be so, but from what I have observed of the German
character I should not be surprised to hear that when a man in Germany is
condemned to death he is given a piece of rope, and told to go and hang
himself. It would save the State much trouble and expense, and I can see
that German criminal taking that piece of rope home with him, reading up
carefully the police instructions, and proceeding to carry them out in
his own back kitchen.
The Germans are a good people. On the whole, the best people perhaps in
the world; an amiable, unselfish, kindly people. I am positive that the
vast majority of them go to Heaven. Indeed, comparing them with the
other Christian nations of the earth, one is forced to the conclusion
that Heaven will be chiefly of German manufacture. But I cannot
understand how they get there. That the soul of any single individual
German has sufficient initiative to fly up by itself and knock at St.
Peter's door, I cannot believe. My own opinion is that they are taken
there in small companies, and passed in under the charge of a dead
policeman.
Carlyle said of the Prussians, and it is true of the whole German nation,
that one of their chief virtues was their power of being drilled. Of the
Germans you might say they are a people who will go anywhere, and do
anything, they are told. Drill him for the work and send him out to
Africa or Asia under charge of somebody in uniform, and he is bound to
make an excellent colonist, facing difficulties as he would face the
devil himself, if ordered. But it is not easy to conceive of him as a
pioneer. Left to run himself, one feels he would soon fade away and die,
not from any lack of intelligence, but from sheer want of presumption.
The German has so long been the soldier of Europe, that the military
instinct has entered into his blood. The military virtues he possesses
in abundance; but he also suffers from the drawbacks of the military
training. It was told me of a German servant, lately released from the
barracks, that he was instructed by his master to deliver a letter to a
certain house, and to wait there for the answer. The hours passed by,
and the man did not return. His master, anxious and surprised, followed.
He found the man where he had been sent, the answer in his hand. He was
waiting for further orders. The story sounds exaggerated, but personally
I can credit it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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