Three men on the bummelJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Three men on the bummel
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Bicycle touring -- Fiction; Black Forest (Germany) -- Fiction; British -- Germany -- Fiction; Humorous stories
Your German likes nature, but his idea of nature is a glorified Welsh
Harp. He takes great interest in his garden. He plants seven rose trees
on the north side and seven on the south, and if they do not grow up all
the same size and shape it worries him so that he cannot sleep of nights.
Every flower he ties to a stick. This interferes with his view of the
flower, but he has the satisfaction of knowing it is there, and that it
is behaving itself. The lake is lined with zinc, and once a week he
takes it up, carries it into the kitchen, and scours it. In the
geometrical centre of the grass plot, which is sometimes as large as a
tablecloth and is generally railed round, he places a china dog. The
Germans are very fond of dogs, but as a rule they prefer them of china.
The china dog never digs holes in the lawn to bury bones, and never
scatters a flower-bed to the winds with his hind legs. From the German
point of view, he is the ideal dog. He stops where you put him, and he
is never where you do not want him. You can have him perfect in all
points, according to the latest requirements of the Kennel Club; or you
can indulge your own fancy and have something unique. You are not, as
with other dogs, limited to breed. In china, you can have a blue dog or
a pink dog. For a little extra, you can have a double-headed dog.
On a certain fixed date in the autumn the German stakes his flowers and
bushes to the earth, and covers them with Chinese matting; and on a
certain fixed date in the spring he uncovers them, and stands them up
again. If it happens to be an exceptionally fine autumn, or an
exceptionally late spring, so much the worse for the unfortunate
vegetable. No true German would allow his arrangements to be interfered
with by so unruly a thing as the solar system. Unable to regulate the
weather, he ignores it.
Among trees, your German's favourite is the poplar. Other disorderly
nations may sing the charms of the rugged oak, the spreading chestnut, or
the waving elm. To the German all such, with their wilful, untidy ways,
are eyesores. The poplar grows where it is planted, and how it is
planted. It has no improper rugged ideas of its own. It does not want
to wave or to spread itself. It just grows straight and upright as a
German tree should grow; and so gradually the German is rooting out all
other trees, and replacing them with poplars.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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