I find it a pleasure to watch the play of the woman's intellectual
features; and though, also, I long to take her in my arms, I feel that
my better plan will be to seek once more the quiet, empty steppe, and,
bearing in me the recollection of this woman, to resume my lonely
journey towards the region where the silver wall of the mountains
merges with the sky, and the dark ravines gape at the steppe with their
chilly jaws. At the moment, however, I cannot so do, for the Cossacks
have temporarily deprived me of my passport.
"What are you yourself seeking?" she asks suddenly as again she edges
towards me.
"Simply nothing. My one desire is to observe how folk live."
"And are you travelling alone?"
"I am."
"Even as am I. Oh God, how many lonely people there are in the world!"
By this time the cattle are awakening from slumber, and, with their
soft lowings, reminding one of a pipe which I used to hear played by a
certain blind old man. Next, four times, with unsteady touch, the
drowsy watchman strikes his gong--twice softly, once with a vigour that
clangs the metal again, and a fourth time with a mere tap of the iron
hammer against the copper plate.
"What sort of lives do the majority of folk lead?"
"Sorry lives."
"Yes, that is what I too have found."
A pause follows. Then the woman says quietly:
"See, dawn is breaking, yet never this night have my eyes closed. Often
I am like that; often I keep thinking and thinking until I seem to be
the only human being in the world, and the only human being destined to
re-order it."
"Many folk live unworthy lives. They live them amid discord, abasement,
and wrongs innumerable, wrongs born of want and stupidity."
And as the words leave my lips my mind loses itself in recollections of
all the dark and harrowing and shameful scenes that I have beheld.
"Listen," I say. "You may approach a man with nothing but good in your
heart, and be prepared to surrender both your freedom and your
strength; yet still he may fail to understand you aright. And how shall
he be blamed for this, seeing that never may he have been shown what is
good?"
She lays a hand upon my shoulder, and looks straight into my eyes as
she parts her comely lips.
"True," she rejoins--"But, dear friend, it is also true that goodness
never bargains."
Together she and I seem to be drifting towards a vista which is coming
to look, as it sloughs the shadow of night, ever clearer and clearer.
It is a vista of white huts, silvery trees, a red church, and
dew-bespangled earth. And as the sun rises he reveals to us clustered,
transparent clouds which, like thousands of snow-white birds, go
gliding over our heads.
"Yes," she whispers again as gently she gives me a nudge. "As one
pursues one's lonely way one thinks and thinks--but of what? Dear
friend, you have said that no one really cares what is the matter. Ah,
HOW true that is!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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