Perhaps it is better to say that one's belief in God gives him strength; for if God sent strength as an answer to prayer desiring strength, why do not all people receive the feeling of renewal? Why are some left to insanity, psychosomatic disorders or neurotic behavior? To credit God for one's strength would only serve to discredit His "unanswered" prayers, as is the case with physical disorders. I do not believe God would endow one with the fortitude to deliver himself from anguish and neglect the emotional appeals of others. Housing such thoughts can be devastating. It is one's unrealistic expectations of God that can sometimes create turmoil for an individual, which again may result from the attempt to personify God. This attempt on the part of an individual to personify his deity often results from his need to feel guarded and loved; without family or friends he can still have a heavenly father and thus is not alone. My strength comes from within, and is augmented by loving family members. I tend to think, rather than to pray, for I feel the unity of all creation is within me and encompasses all things; thus even my most quiet thoughts are not spoken in emptiness. When people said they prayed for me, I looked at their statement as one of thoughtful kindness because it demonstrated that they cared for me and my family. Yet within, a voice would scream that praying for health misused the idea behind prayer. Although prayer means vastly different things to each individual, I like to think of prayer as a way of communing with God; while there are many who ask God for favors in prayer, to me this cheapens it. I feel it should be used for the attempt of attaining oneness with the eternal spirit and nothing more, unless it is to unify one with himself and allow him to dismiss his selfishness to think of and unite with others. This well-known quote echoes my sentiments: "God, grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, courage to change those I can, and wisdom to know the difference." To further elaborate on the subject, I would assume that an individual who divulged in prayer such a "bargain" would eventually feel the shame brought about by the realization that he would never have sought this plea or offered his humble services had he not first been stricken by physical illness. Most likely the thought would have never crossed his mind. One would think that the person would have waved God's flag in times of health and prosperity. But, as with the vast majority of people, thoughts of one's own death rarely occur to those caught up in the robust living of life. Thus guilt can both evoke, and be the product of, promises too great to keep. PAGE 216 Chapter 26 Categories of Acceptance "Even the smallest pleasures seem more meaningful when they are shared, while the tragic moments are buffered by love. " CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX Categories Of Acceptance