Unable to rid my voice of its smile, I presented him with the coat hanger. "It's all yours," I said. Norm looked at the hanger, the coat, at me, at the coat again. "You're kidding..." "No!" Tears welled up in his eyes as the truth sunk in. Perhaps Norm best described the way he was feeling when he said. . . "what a load!" It was almost more than a person could handle. We took a nighttime stroll after our celebration ended. The air was crisp and clear and stars blinked like thousands of tree lights. Apart from our conversation all was silent, befitting the midnight hush. This was, indeed, the best Christmas. PAGE 232 Chapter 29 Self Imposed Barriers "I am nature, and like all aspects of nature I, too, must respect the passing of seasons within my life." CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE Self Imposed Barriers I too, was capable of erecting quite formidable barriers to my health, happiness and general desire for peace. The initial days of my last semester at Black Hawk College had me floundering desperately for sanity; I had talked myself into attempting 17 hours of credit so I would receive a degree rather than merely transferring my hours to the next college if, indeed, there would be a "next college." Had I not so enjoyed sanity, I might have allowed myself to entertain this wretched state of turmoil; as it was, reason soon came to my rescue and I was able to fling one enormous subject back into the sea of college courses. Having discarded the excess weight, I was perfectly capable of continuing my other subjects with ease and enjoyment, and accommodate my tendency toward perfectionistic behavior through my attainment of an A average. Perfectionism is a behavioral pattern which is not easily discarded, yet when one fostering this destructive mode of thought is able to control it, and reach the irrevocable conclusion that perfectionism is a desperately counterproductive personality, he is able to substantially reduce his mental anxiety. One ruled by perfectionism finds no happiness, and must also face the future in a similarly uncompromising light. Since no one is perfect an endless struggle continues throughout one's existence. One course which deserves mention if only for its intrinsic quality of humor was called "biofeedback." Of many options, a student was required to choose a course under a certain category despite its utter worthlessness regarding his degree. These were often regarded with contempt, as students felt them to be a sheer waste of time; nevertheless the courses were an easy "A" for those who applied a modest degree of interest and effort. My elected class centered on controlling and tempering one's emotions through the relaxation of individual body parts, and eventually slowing one's involuntary functions such as heart rate and breathing. These various forms of relaxation were monitored by electric devices attached to pulse points on the head and arms.