Through These Eyes: The courageous struggle to find meaning in a life stressed with cancerIsaacson, Lauren Ann
Science
Through These Eyes: The courageous struggle to find meaning in a life stressed with cancer
Isaacson, Lauren Ann
Cancer -- Patients -- Biography; Isaacson, Lauren Ann, 1961-1986
With each day I was given more freedoms; the IV was removed, and the
cumbersome pole escorted to the supply room; walks increased in number
and duration as they were now unhampered by either tube or pole. My
diet improved rapidly, from liquids to strained liquids, to soft foods,
and finally to a regular diet, and albeit the fact that food was no
longer a blissful thought, the small and frequent meals were a source
of entertainment and added sparkle to my day.
Despite gastro-intestinal difficulties, I endured the final days in the
hospital with a new strength; because I was eating and sustaining
nourishment through my natural means, I knew the heavy burden of a long
recovery was loosing itself from my shoulders; I had nearly reached the
summit of self-restoration after physical toil and mental strain.
My personality was refreshed by the small delights which seemed to grow
unchecked in my miniature world; I loved to sit outside on the roof-top
"patio" of the hospital and feel the warm sun and summer breeze touch
my face, while at night the distant lights of Rochester glittered and
shed their baleful remorse before my eyes; they were tempting jewels no
more, but sweet reminders that at the week's end, I could stand beneath
their steady glow. I no longer felt imprisoned, an outsider to the
stream of life. I was a part of humanity, an element of nature, a
working vessel of creation. I was not constrained. If I so desired, I
could dress in my civilian clothes and disappear through the yawning
doors of the elevator, to be lost in a sea of unknown personalities,
and unfamiliar faces. The idea of freedom was a comfort to my last
days of hospital existence, for it was attainable; I had but to discard
my gown, don my clothes, and flee. . . and it would be mine. True
bondage, I found, existed only in the mind and the way in which one
perceived his world; for whether restricted under lock and key or lack
of health, the mind is still capable of limitless meanderings if one
but remains open to himself and is aware of his dreams.
On the day of my departure, Dr. T. dropped in to remove my stitches.
Perhaps because he was the primary surgeon, this finalization was
reserved for himself as the ultimate service and last detail of the
operation. I watched while he snipped the threads, and tugged them
from their month-long residency, some willing to give up their hold,
others wrestling rebelliously with my skin. Here and there, pinprick
points of blood surfaced along the scar, active protests of dislodged
threads, which shined conspicuously beside the ruddy incision. Though
alarming in its appearance, the skin would one day recover from its
trauma and time would fade the scar; already it showed signs of rapid
healing, itching uncontrollably, as with a vengeance; the soreness
diminished, and I could stand upright with little pain or stiffness.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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