England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; English fiction -- 19th century
'I'll just make the bed and put things straight, then--oh, then I must
really go and do something for Mrs. Grail. I left her alone nearly all
yesterday. And then I might go and meet Lyddy. But it's a long time
till half-past twelve. Perhaps--'
Having made the bed she sat down to rest for a moment. After all, the
headache was certainly not gone, though it had been disguising itself.
The moment grew to a quarter of an hour. Her eyes seemed to behold
something very clearly, just in front, down there on the floor. But the
floor itself had made way for a large hall; among rows of people she
saw a tall lady in a red cloak, and a bald-headed gentleman, and
between them someone whose face was at an angle which allowed her to
see it very well, to note even the look, not quite a smile, of pleasure
which made it so interesting. She knew no other face which affected her
as that did. She desired it to turn full upon her, to look straight
into hers with its clear, gentle eyes, which seemed to be so full of
wonderful knowledge. Once or twice, yes, in truth, once or twice it had
done so, but never for long enough. It would do so yet again. Oh but
not for long enough! A look not of instants, but of minutes, of full
minutes ticked to their last second; what would she give for that! One
such gaze and she would be satisfied. It was not to ask much, surely
not much.
But she was going to live there, behind the library, and he would come
often, very often. For a time he would certainly come every day. To be
sure, she could not see him daily. Her duties would be in the house;
she would be a wife; people would call her 'Mrs. Grail.'
A voice whispered, a very timid, one would have said a guilty, voice,
'Who will be called 'Mrs. Egremont'?' Not once; the voice, faint as it
was, had an echo, a tingling echo from her heart outwards to the
smallest vein. Who will bear that name? Some tall, beautiful,
richly-clad lady, such as Miss Newthorpe. Was there any one who at this
moment sat alone, longing for one look of his eyes? Did ladies think
and feel in that way? or only foolish little work-girls, who all their
lives had dreamed dreams of a world that was not theirs? Did ladies
ever press down a heart beating almost to anguish and say, half-aloud,
to themselves: 'I love you!'
No; a stately life theirs, no weakness, no sense of a measureless need,
self-respect ever, and ever respect from all about them. Think of Miss
Newthorpe's face. How noble it was! How impossible that it should plead
for anything It might concede with a high, gracious smile, but not
beseech anything. That was the part of poor girls who had not been
taught, in whom it was no shame to look up to one far above them and
long--long for kindness.
The sunlight was creeping along the floor, nearer to her. Oh sun of
spring! nearer, nearer! Your warmth upon my hands, upon my face! Your
warmth upon my heart, that _something_ warm may press there!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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