England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; English fiction -- 19th century
'Has he then made me a thorough-going optimist? Scarcely, for the
willow cannot become the oak, Your old name for me was 'The Idealist,'
and I suppose in a measure I deserved it; I know I did in the most
foolish sense of the word. And in my idealism was of course implied a
good deal of optimism. But shall I tell you what was there in a yet
larger measure? That which is termed self-conceit. An enemy speaking of
me now--Dalmaine for example, if he chose to tell the truth--would say
that a business life in America has taken a great deal of the humbug
out of me. I shall always be rather a weak mortal, shall always be
marked by that blend of pessimism and optimism which necessarily marks
the man to whom, in his heart, the beautiful is of supreme import,
shall always be prone to accesses of morbid feeling, and in them, I
dare say, find after all my highest pleasure. Nay, it is certain that
Moschus and Gatullus will always be more loved by me than Whitman. For
all this, I am not what I was, and I am a completer man than I was. I
shall remain here yet nine months, and who can say what further change
may go on in me?
'Now to another subject. It gladdens me to hear what you say of Thyrza,
that she seems both well and happy. I envy you the delight of hearing
her sing. It is a beautiful thing that in this way she has found
expression for that poetry which I always read in her face. By-the-by,
does she still meet her sister away from the place where she lives? Is
that still necessary? However, all these details are in your judgment.
The great thing is that she is happy in her life, that she has found a
great interest.
'I wish to know--I beg you to answer me--whether she has ever spoken of
me. When I used to press you to speak on this subject, you always
ignored that part of my letter. Need you still do so? Will you not tell
me whether she has asked about me, has spoken in any way of me? To be
sure you must betray no confidences; yet perhaps it will not be doing
so.
'Read Whitman; try to sympathise with me as I now am. You know that I
am anything but low-spirited, yet in very truth I have no single
companion here to whom I can speak of intimate things, and, except on
business, I write absolutely to no one in England save to you. And
intellectual sympathy I do need; I scarcely think I could live on
through my life without it.
'Another thing, and the last. You have never once spoken of Miss
Newthorpe, nor have I, in all this long time. I pray you tell me
something of her. It is very likely that she's married--to whom, now?
Her husband should be an interesting man, one I should like some day to
know. Or is she another example of the unaccountable things women will
do in marriage? Pray Heaven not!'
(_Eight months after the last_.)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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