I slept but badly that night; it seemed so strange that I should be
under that roof in these days of ruin and disaster--hiding, as it were,
from the sight of men, and striving to plot, in my own feeble futile
way, against forces that must in time inevitably overwhelm and sweep me
away. I had been a poor prisoner for so many years; I was like a child
in the world now, with whatever powers I had once had dulled and
blunted. Passionately I desired to help this girl, who already smiled at
me with the eyes of her dead mother, and whose speaking of that absurd
name of mine--Tinman--was like a caress. Yet what could I do?--how could
I help her or the boy she loved?
I thought, too, more than once of that shadowy figure I had seen on the
terrace, hovering like a lost soul outside the house--of that face that
had stared in at me from the darkness outside into the room where the
father and daughter were. Unless by any chance I had been deceived, who
was this woman who moved silently about the grounds at night, and what
was her interest in the girl? I tried to dismiss from my mind the whole
thing as a mere hallucination--a something bred of all the dreams that
once had been mine in that house; but I could not shut out that face
that had stared in at me. I remembered how the eyes had held mine for
one long moment before I cried out; I remembered in a puzzled way that
there had been something curiously familiar about them--as though that
figure, too, had come out of the dreams of the past to haunt me. I
remembered what the girl had said on the staircase about the ghosts in
the great dreary house; I found myself sitting up in bed in the dark
room, with my hands clasped round my knees, thinking about it all, and
asking myself over and over again what I should do. Almost I wished
myself back in my cell in prison, with the certain knowledge upon me
that nothing could ever disturb me there, and that the world outside was
dead. I hated the thought that I had been dragged out again into such a
tangle as this.
Better resolves came with the morning; the wintry sunlight seemed to
warm me, and to warm any faint resolution that was beginning to shape
itself in my mind. I would be strong and watchful; I held a power here
that no one suspected, because I knew so much, and had loved so
strongly, and was, after all, only a poor creature with whom fate had
done its worst and could do no more. Yes--I would be strong.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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