To-morrow and to-morrow ... a novelMcKenna, Stephen
History
To-morrow and to-morrow ... a novel
McKenna, Stephen
Great Britain -- History -- George V, 1910-1936 -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Spouses -- Fiction
Barbara’s lip curled in derision:
“Your servant’s too useful to discharge, so you pretend you haven’t
caught her stealing! When we met to-night, I noticed a difference. I
thought you must have seen in the papers about Eric’s death. When you
kissed me so tenderly, my heart leapt; and I thought you really
understood. Now I know . . .”
The incisive scorn cut deeper as her failing voice died away.
“Well?”
“You _need_ me because I’m a woman. That’s why you insult me with your
forgiveness. And that’s why you must divorce me, George. We’re divorced
in spirit; and we should both be dishonoured if we put your _need_ in
the place of love.”
In the distance I heard the gong booming for dinner. Neave’s door opened
and slammed. A cautious footfall, accompanied by a warning whistle, told
me that O’Rane was making his way downstairs.
“I shall not divorce you,” I told Barbara, “even if I could. And I
can’t. You’ll be as independent of me in Seymour Street as if you were
on a South Sea Island. But we mustn’t do anything irrevocable till we’re
more cool-headed.”
“But . . . this is impossible!,” Barbara cried.
“If we find it impossible, I shan’t try to keep you.” As I followed her
down to dinner, I wondered whether we either of us realized what we were
saying. “Coming here to-day,” I told her, “I was thinking that life only
becomes intolerable when there’s no love in it. If I can get back to the
state we were in a fortnight ago . . .”
“You’ll never do that. You’ll be very kind and attentive, as you always
are; but I married you because I thought you understood. Now you’ve
become like any other man who puts a cushion at my back or tucks a rug
round my knees. I’m utterly, utterly indifferent to you!”
On this, the first night of what she called for two years our “life in a
gilded cage”, I was chiefly concerned that her indifference should be
concealed from the sharp eyes of Neave and the abnormally sharp hearing
of O’Rane. With the same intention or in her usual reaction to an
audience, Barbara sparkled her way through dinner in a manner that set
me wondering whether I had not waked from another nightmare; but, when
we looked for her afterwards, she had disappeared; and, when I went—as
a matter of form—to bid her good-night, she answered me through a
locked door.
Neave had asked me at dinner how long I was staying; and, when I reached
my room, I found a note from Barbara:
“_If I am to come at all, I had better come to-morrow. Mother has a big
party this week-end._”
I sat down in front of the fire and tried to picture our life on the day
after to-morrow. Could Bertrand direct my paper if I found it necessary
to live in Ireland? Was Ireland tolerable or even safe? Could I afford
to keep two houses in commission if my wife refused to live with me. And
how long would Barbara endure this spiritual starvation?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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