"A delicate person is like a pipe with a crack in the bowl, for it takes continued and careful pulling to keep his light in; and to take life is like willfully dashing a lighted pipe from the mouth into fragments, and scattering the sparks to the four winds of heaven. An artist is a good coloring pipe; an attractive orator is a pipe that draws well; a communist is a foul pipe; a well-educated woman whose conversation is attractive is a pipe with a nice mouthpiece; a girl of the period is a fancy pipe, the ornament of which is liable to chip; a female orator on woman's rights is invariably a plain pipe; an old toper is a well-seasoned pipe; an escaped thief is a cutty pipe, and the policeman in pursuit is a shilling pipe, for is he not a Bob?" From these ingenious "conceits" we turn to a few thoughts on the present condition and history of the plant. [Illustration: The Yankee smoker.] The calumet or pipe of peace, decorated with all the splendor of savage taste, is smoked by the red man to ratify good feeling or confirm some treaty of peace. The energetic Yankee bent upon the accomplishment of his ends, puffs vigorously at his cigar and with scarcely a passing notice, strides over obstacles that lie in his path of whatever nature they may be. The dancing Spaniard with his eternal castanets whispers but a word to his dark-eyed senorita as he hands her another perfumed cigarette. The lounging Italian hissing intrigues under the shadow of an ancient portico, smokes on as he stalks over the proud place where the blood of Caesar dyed the stones of the Capitol, or where the knife of Virginius flashed in the summer sun. The Turk comes forth from the Mosque only to smoke. The priest of Nicaragua with solemn mien strides up the aisle and lights the altar candles with the fire struck from his cigar. The hardy Laplander invites the stranger to his hut and offers him his pipe while he inquires, if he comes from the land of tobacco. The indigent Jakut exchanges his most valuable furs and skins for a few ounces of the "Circassian weed." Its charms are recognized by the gondolier of Venice and the Muleteer of Spain. The Switzer lights his pipe amid Alpine heights. The tourist climbing AEtna, or Vesuvius' rugged side, puffs on though _they_ perchance have long since ceased to smoke. Tobacco, soothed the hardships of Cromwell's soldiers and gave novelty to the court life of the daughters of Louis XIV, delighted the courtiers of Queen Elizabeth and bidding defiance to the ire of her successors, the Stuarts, has never ceased to hold sway over court and camp, as well as over the masses of the people.