The enthusiasm which animated every corps of the French army, and was
felt through every fibre of the nation, had full sway in the little
world of the military school. There, every battle was known and conned
over; we called every spot of our playground by some name great in
the history of glory; and among ourselves we assumed the titles of the
heroes who shed such lustre on their country; and thus in all our boyish
sports our talk was of the Bridge of Lodi, Arcole, Rivoli, Castiglione,
the Pyramids, Mount Tabor. While the names of Kleber, Kellerman,
Massena, Desaix, Murat, were adopted amongst us, but one name only
remained unappropriated; and no one was bold enough to assume the
title of him whose victories were the boast of every tongue. If this
enthusiasm was general amongst us, I felt it in all its fullest force,
for it came untinged with any other thought. To me there was neither
home nor family; my days passed over in one unbroken calm,--no thought
of pleasure, no hope of happiness, when the fête day came round. My
every sense was wrapped up in the one great desire,--to be a soldier; to
have my name known among those great men whose fame was over Europe; to
be remembered by him whose slightest word of praise was honor itself.
When should that day come for me? When should I see the career open
before me? These were my earliest waking thoughts, my last at nightfall.
If the intensity of purpose, the strong current of all my hopes, formed
for me an ideal and a happy world within me, yet did it lend a trait of
seriousness to my manner that seemed like melancholy; and while few
knew less what it was to grieve, a certain sadness in me struck my
companions, on which they often rallied me, but which I strove in
vain to conquer. It was true that at certain times my loneliness and
isolation came coldly on my heart; when one by one I saw others claimed
by their friends, and hurrying away to some happy home, where some fond
sister threw her arm around a brother's neck, or some doting mother
clasped her son close to her bosom and kissed his brow, a tear would
find its way down my cheek, and I would hasten to my room, and locking
the door, sit down alone to think, till my sad heart grew weary, or my
sterner nature rose within me, and by an effort over myself, I turned to
my studies and forgot all else.
Meanwhile I made rapid progress; the unbroken tenor of my thoughts gave
me a decided advantage over the others, and long before the regular
period arrived, the day for my final examination was appointed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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