NOTE—In the May number Mr. Adams will treat of the necessity for the revision of the Constitution, and consider how it may legally be accomplished. _In Absence_ BY EUGENE C. DOLSON With miles between us—miles of land and sea, However far my wandering footsteps roam, Still memory ever backward turns to thee— Queen of my heart and home. _In Outline_ “Many a man complains that he lost his health in business, although he was not in business for his health.” * * * * * “The quickest way to get to the top in this world is to have someone let you in on the ground floor.” * * * * * “Money often fails to bring happiness, on account of the way it has been made.” * * * * * “The world may owe you a living, but you have to work hard to collect the debt.” * * * * * “One-half the world doesn’t care how the other half lives.” * * * * * “The man who courts an investigation has generally been making love to other people’s money.” * * * * * _Not Guilty_ TAVERN LOUNGER—That ’ere smooth-shaved, horse-faced feller jest goin’ into the dinin’-room looks like an actor. LANDLORD—Yes; but you bet yer life he ain’t one! He came day before yesterday, paid his bill in advance, and ain’t kicked about anything yet! * * * * * _A Discovery_ “I have looked the matter over with reasonable care,” said the Pruntytown Philosopher, with his usual acridity, “and I have reached the conclusion that it is not absolutely necessary to send boys to college in order to have ’em act the fool.” * * * * * _A One-Sided Alliance_ JUDSON—Do you think capital and labor will ever work together? BUDSON—It looks that way. At the present time the landlord and the tenants seem to be both engaged in raising the rent. * * * * * _At the Zoo_ THE PARROT—The eagle says he has been bald ever since he can remember. THE COCKATOO—Gee-whiz! Those eagles marry very young, don’t they? _The Gray Weed_ AN EXTRACT FROM THE “LONDON TIMES” OF FEBRUARY 8, 1909 BY OWEN OLIVER Owing to the lamented death of Professor Newton, to whose wisdom and courage the world owes its deliverance, I have been asked to contribute to the first newspaper issued in the new era some account of the terrible weed which overran the earth, and threatened to stifle out mankind.