Her eyes were bent on him with a scrutiny that was nearly ungirlish.
Maurice tried not to see it as he put his fingers on her wrist. She
added:
"I have felt that about you too."
Maurice had taken out his watch. Without speaking he timed the
fluttering pulsation of her life, then, dropping her hand and returning
the watch to his pocket:
"Your too eager thoughts were of me?" he asked.
"Yes, but yours were not of me."
"Not always," he said, with an honesty that pleased her.
And again Lily saw above his face the shadowy crown of thorns. She was
really unwell and ready to be unstrung. Perhaps this made her say
hastily, as she shifted lower on her cushions:
"I'm partly ill to-day because you let me see how horribly you are
suffering."
"Yes," Maurice said heavily. "I let you see it. Why's that?"
There was nothing like a shock to either of them in the directness of
their words. They seemed spoken rightly at the inevitable time. No
thought of question, of denial, was entertained by them. Maurice sat
there by her and dropped his mask utterly.
"Miss Alston, I am a haunted man," he said.
And, in a moment, as he spoke, he seemed to be old. Lily said nothing.
She twisted between her little fingers the thin rug that covered her,
and was angry with herself because, all of a sudden, she wanted to cry.
"And I am beginning to wonder," Maurice went on, "how much longer I can
bear it, just how long."
Lily cleared her throat. It struck her as odd that she did not feel
strange with this man who looked so old in the thin light from the lamp.
Indeed, now that the mask had entirely fallen from him, he seemed more
familiar to her than ever before.
"I suppose we must bear everything so long as God chooses," she said.
"No, so long as we choose."
"But how?"
"To live to bear it. I cannot be haunted after I am dead. That can't
be."
He lifted his head and looked at her with a sort of pale defiance, as
if he would dare her to contradict him. Lily confronted the horror of
his eyes, and a shudder ran over her. The thorns had pierced more deeply
even than she had believed as she lay awake in the night. Just then a
door banged and a footstep approached on the landing.
"Hush, it's father," Lily whispered.
And the Canon entered to ask the condition of the patient. Maurice
prescribed and went away. In the windy evening as he walked, he was
conscious of a large change dawning over his life. Either the spirit of
prophecy--which comes to many men even in modern days--was upon him, or
hope, which he believed quite dead in him, stirred faintly in his dream.
In either event he saw that on the black walk of his life there was the
irregular, and as yet paltry, line of some writing, some inscription. He
could not read the words. He only knew that there were some words to be
read. And one of them was surely Lily's name.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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