England -- Fiction; Patent medicines -- Marketing -- Fiction; Pharmaceutical industry -- Fiction; Satire; Science fiction
After that I heard some gossip—from a friend of the lady’s. I was much
too curious to do anything but listen. I had never in all my life
imagined my uncle in an amorous attitude. It would appear that she
called him her “God in the Car”—after the hero in a novel of Anthony
Hope’s. It was essential to the convention of their relations that he
should go relentlessly whenever business called, and it was generally
arranged that it did call. To him women were an incident, it was
understood between them; Ambition was the master-passion. A great world
called him and the noble hunger for Power. I have never been able to
discover just how honest Mrs. Scrymgeour was in all this, but it is
quite possible the immense glamour of his financial largeness prevailed
with her and that she did bring a really romantic feeling to their
encounters. There must have been some extraordinary moments....
I was a good deal exercised and distressed about my aunt when I
realised what was afoot. I thought it would prove a terrible
humiliation to her. I suspected her of keeping up a brave front with
the loss of my uncle’s affections fretting at her heart, but there I
simply underestimated her. She didn’t hear for some time and when she
did hear she was extremely angry and energetic. The sentimental
situation didn’t trouble her for a moment. She decided that my uncle
“wanted smacking.” She accentuated herself with an unexpected new hat,
went and gave him an inconceivable talking-to at the Hardingham, and
then came round to “blow-up” me for not telling her what was going on
before....
I tried to bring her to a proper sense of the accepted values in this
affair, but my aunt’s originality of outlook was never so invincible.
“Men don’t tell on one another in affairs of passion,” I protested, and
such-like worldly excuses.
“Women!” she said in high indignation, “and men! It isn’t women and
men—it’s him and me, George! Why don’t you talk sense?
“Old passion’s all very well, George, in its way, and I’m the last
person to be jealous. But this is old nonsense.... I’m not going to let
him show off what a silly old lobster he is to other women.... I’ll
mark every scrap of his underclothes with red letters,
‘Ponderevo-Private’—every scrap.
“Going about making love indeed,—in abdominal belts!—at his time of
life!”
I cannot imagine what passed between her and my uncle. But I have no
doubt that for once her customary badinage was laid aside. How they
talked then I do not know, for I who knew them so well had never heard
that much of intimacy between them. At any rate it was a concerned and
preoccupied “God in the Car” I had to deal with in the next few days,
unusually Zzzz-y and given to slight impatient gestures that had
nothing to do with the current conversation. And it was evident that in
all directions he was finding things unusually difficult to explain.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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