England -- Fiction; Patent medicines -- Marketing -- Fiction; Pharmaceutical industry -- Fiction; Satire; Science fiction
Then I began what I suppose would be called a Fight against the east
wind. One calls it a Fight, but it was really almost as unlike a fight
as plain sewing. The wind tried to drive me westwardly, and I tried to
get as much as I could eastwardly, with the wind beating and rocking us
irregularly, but by no means unbearably, for about twelve hours. My
hope lay in the wind abating, and our keeping in the air and eastward
of Finisterre until it did, and the chief danger was the exhaustion of
our petrol. It was a long and anxious and almost meditative time; we
were fairly warm, and only slowly getting hungry, and except that my
uncle grumbled a little and produced some philosophical reflections,
and began to fuss about having a temperature, we talked very little. I
was tired and sulky, and chiefly worried about the engine. I had to
resist a tendency to crawl back and look at it. I did not care to risk
contracting our gas chamber for fear of losing gas. Nothing was less
like a fight. I know that in popular magazines, and so forth, all such
occasions as this are depicted in terms of hysteria. Captains save
their ships engineers complete their bridges, generals conduct their
battles, in a state of dancing excitement, foaming recondite
technicalities at the lips. I suppose that sort of thing works up the
reader, but so far as it professes to represent reality, I am convinced
it is all childish nonsense, schoolboys of fifteen, girls of eighteen,
and literary men all their lives, may have these squealing fits, but my
own experience is that most exciting scenes are not exciting, and most
of the urgent moments in life are met by steady-headed men.
Neither I nor my uncle spent the night in ejaculations, nor in humorous
allusions, nor any of these things. We remained lumpish.
My uncle stuck in his place and grumbled about his stomach, and
occasionally rambled off into expositions of his financial position and
denunciations of Neal—he certainly struck out one or two good phrases
for Neal—and I crawled about at rare intervals in a vague sort of way
and grunted, and our basketwork creaked continually, and the wind on
our quarter made a sort of ruffled flapping in the wall of the gas
chamber. For all our wraps we got frightfully cold as the night wore
on.
I must have dozed, and it was still dark when I realised with a start
that we were nearly due south of, and a long way from, a
regularly-flashing lighthouse, standing out before the glow of some
great town, and then that the thing that had awakened me was the
cessation of our engine, and that we were driving back to the west.
Then, indeed, for a time I felt the grim thrill of life. I crawled
forward to the cords of the release valves, made my uncle crawl forward
too, and let out the gas until we were falling down through the air
like a clumsy glider towards the vague greyness that was land.
Something must have intervened here that I have forgotten.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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