Humorous stories; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Private secretaries -- Fiction
Most got Aunty's breath, that did; but in a jiffy she's recovered.
"Perhaps," says she, "you don't mind telling me the reason for this
masquerade?"
"It's not quite that," says Wiggins. "I try to keep in touch with all my
places. In making my rounds to-day I found my local manager here too ill
to be at work. Bad case of grip. So I sent him home, telephoned for a
substitute, and while waiting took off my coat and filled in. Fortunate
coincidence, wasn't it?--for it gave me the pleasure of serving you."
"You mean," cuts in Aunty, "that it gave you the opportunity of making
me appear absurd. Those gowns I promised to send!"
Wiggins grins good natured. "Is this the niece you mentioned?" says he.
Aunty admits that it is, and introduces Vee.
Then Wiggins looks inquirin' at me. "Your son?" he asks.
And you should have seen Aunty's face pink up at that. "Certainly not!"
says she.
"Oh!" says Woodie, screwin' up one corner of his mouth and tippin' me
the wink.
I knew if I got a look at Vee I'd have to haw-haw; so I backs around
with one hand behind me and we swaps a finger squeeze.
Then Aunty jumps in with the quick shift. She asks him patronizin' if
he finds the grocery business int'restin'. He admits that he does.
"How odd!" says Aunty. "But I presume that you hope to retire very
soon?"
"Eh?" says he. "Quit the one thing I can do best? Why?"
"But surely," she goes on, "you can hardly find such a business
congenial. It is so--so--well, so petty and sordid?"
"Is it, though?" says Wiggins. "With more than five thousand employees
on my payroll and a daily expense bill running well over thirty
thousand, I find it far from petty. Anyway, it keeps me hustling. I used
to think I was a hard worker too, when I had my one little general store
at Smiths Corners."
"And now you've nearly a hundred stores!" says Aunty. "How did you do
it?"
"I was kicked into doing it, I guess," says Wiggins, smilin' grim. "The
manufacturers and jobbers, you know. They weren't willing to allow me a
fair profit. So I had to go under or spread out. Well, I've
spread,--flour mills in Minnesota, canning factories from Portland,
Oregon, to Bridgeton, Maine, potato farms in Michigan and the Aroostook,
cracker and bread bakeries, creameries, raisin and prune
plantations,--all that sort of thing,--until gradually I've weeded out
most of the greedy middlemen who stood between me and my customers.
They're poor folks, most of 'em, and when they trade with me their slim
wages go further than in most stores. My ambition is to give them honest
goods at a five per cent. profit.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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