“Thirty days hath the month of September, The same may be said of June, April, November;” but all in vain; he could recollect nothing that suited such an occasion. A suppressed titter all over the room admonished him that he must proceed with something, and in the agony of desperation, he began: “Know all men by these presents, that I—” here he paused and looked up to the ceiling, while an audible voice in a corner of the room was heard to say: “He’s drawing up a _deed_ to a tract of land,” and they all laughed. “In the name of God, Amen!”—he began a second time, only to hear another voice in a loud whisper say: “He’s making his _will_ now. I thought he couldn’t live long, he looks so powerful bad.” “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord—” was the next essay, when some erudite gentleman remarked: “He is not dead, but sleepeth.” “O yes! O yes!” continued the Squire. One voice replied: “Oh no! oh no! don’t let’s.” Another whispered, “No ball!” Some person out of doors, sung out, “Come into court!” and the laughter was general. The bridesmaids spilt the tallow from their candles all over the floor, in the vain attempt to look serious. One of them had a red mark on her lip for a month afterwards, where she had bit it. The bridegroom put his hands in his pockets, and took them out again; the bride looked as if she would faint—and so did the Squire! But the Squire was an indefatigable man, and kept trying. His next effort was: “To all and singular, the sher—” “Let’s run! he’s going to _level_ on us,” said two or three at once. Here a gleam of light flashed across the face of Squire Tompkins. That dignitary looked around all at once, with as much satisfaction as Archimedes could have felt, when he discovered the method of ascertaining the specific gravity of bodies. In a grave and dignified manner, he said: “Mr. Hodgkins, hold up your right hand.” George Washington obeyed, and held up his hand. “Miss Polly, hold up yours.” Polly, in her confusion held up the left hand. “The other hand, Miss Peablossom.” And the Squire proceeded, in a loud and composed manner, to qualify them: “You and each of you do solemnly swear, before the present company, that you will perform toward each other, all and singular the functions of a husband or wife—as the case may be—to the best of your knowledge and ability, so help you God!” “Good as wheat!” said Captain Peablossom. “Polly, my gal, come and kiss your old father; I never felt so happy since the day I was discharged from the army, and set out homewards to see your mother.” ----- [15] By the Hon. J. B. Lamar. XXVI. THE MOTHER AND HER CHILD.