Trimblerigg : $b A book of revelationHousman, Laurence
Religion
Trimblerigg : $b A book of revelation
Housman, Laurence
Clergy -- Fiction; Romans à clef; Satire
Mr. Trimblerigg, though it often annoyed him, was not the kind of man
to fear opposition when it came. He did not avoid the challenge, he
went out to meet it. But he saw that the tussle was coming, and in
order to gain access of strength as expeditiously as possible for the
ordeal that lay ahead he decided that the psychological moment had come
for him to visit America.
Offers of a sensational character had, of course, already reached him.
One Lecture Agency had assured him that if his halo would stand the
change of climate, a scientific investigation, and the nervous strain
incidental to a daily appearance before mammoth audiences, it could
guarantee that thousands should be turned away in every city, and no
seats sold to the public under five dollars a head.
Mr. Trimblerigg, when the time came, decided otherwise. He announced
that admission was to be free. When America heard that, it first fell
down and worshipped him, then in panic began to mobilize its army,
double its police force, set up steel barricades and enlarge its
cemeteries in order to cope with the record crowds and the ensuing
mortality which would result. The problem of how to deal with countless
multitudes all ruthlessly set at whatever expense to life and limb, on
seeing a real halo alive on a man’s head, and hearing the man’s head
speak from the midst of it, occupied the headlines of the newspapers
for weeks, even before Mr. Trimblerigg started on his voyage. And when
he had started, then all the reporters of the American press chartered
a ship and went out to meet him.
It was then that Mr. Trimblerigg was asked the historic question what
it felt like to be the greatest man in the world. And Mr. Trimblerigg
answered that it made him feel shy; and the next moment could have
bitten his tongue out for having fallen so easily into the first trap
which an expert in publicity had set for him.
It did not in the least really matter. It made good copy; and
though it also made the judicious smile, the judicious--always an
insignificant minority--in an affair conducted on so vast a scale did
not count.
‘Trimblerigg charges that he is the greatest man alive,’ was an unfair
way of putting it; but it could not be described as untrue. And so he
just had to live it down.
He did so without any difficulty. He was in a country where only
the statue of Liberty shared the distinction that he carried about
with him; and while her halo only shot out in separate rays from
perforations concealed under her crown, his was a perfect round, it
went out everywhere; it was also alight continuously day and night. The
torchlight procession organized up Fifth Avenue to greet its arrival
was thrown into the shade by its ever-increasing vitality. The torches
were a foolish excrescence, they interested nobody; and though five
miles of them impeded the distant view, the one central fact outshone
them all.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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