True Manliness: From the Writings of Thomas HughesHughes, Thomas
Religion
True Manliness: From the Writings of Thomas Hughes
Hughes, Thomas
Conduct of life
Tom nodded, and then sat down on the shoe-board, while the old man told
his tale, and wiped his spectacles, and fairly flowed over with quaint,
homely, honest sorrow.
By the time he had done, Tom felt much better.
“Where is he buried, Thomas?” said he at last.
“Under the altar in the chapel, sir,” answered Thomas. “You’d like to
have the key, I dare say.”
“Thank you, Thomas. Yes, I should very much.” And the old man fumbled
among his bunch, and then got up as though he would go with him; but
after a few steps stopped short and said, “Perhaps you’d like to go by
yourself, sir?”
Tom nodded, and the bunch of keys were handed to him with an injunction
to be sure and lock the door after him, and bring them back before
eight o’clock.
We walked quickly through the quadrangle and out into the close. The
longing which had been upon him and driven him thus far, like the
gad-fly in the Greek legends, giving him no rest in mind or body,
seemed all of a sudden not to be satisfied, but to shrivel up, and
pall. “Why should I go on? It is no use,” he thought, and threw himself
at full length on the turf, and looked vaguely and listlessly at all
the well-known objects. There were a few of the town-boys playing
cricket, their wicket pitched on the best piece in the middle of the
big-side ground, a sin about equal to sacrilege in the eyes of a
captain of the eleven. He was very nearly getting up to go and send
them off. “Pshaw! they won’t remember me. They’ve more right there than
I,” he muttered. And the thought that his sceptre had departed, and his
mark was wearing out, came home to him for the first time, and bitterly
enough. He was lying on the very spot where the fights came off;
where he himself had fought six years ago his first and last battle.
He conjured up the scene till he could almost hear the shouts of the
ring, and East’s whisper in his ear; and looking across the close to
the Doctor’s private door, half-expected to see it open, and the tall
figure in cap and gown come striding under the elm-trees towards him.
No, no! that sight could never be seen again. There was no flag flying
on the round tower; the school-house windows were all shuttered up; and
when the flag went up again, and the shutters came down, it would be
to welcome a stranger. All that was left on earth of him whom he had
honored, was lying cold and still under the chapel-floor. He would go
in and see the place once more, and then leave it once for all. New men
and new methods might do for other people; let those who would, worship
the rising star; he at least would be faithful to the sun which had
set. And so he got up, and walked to the chapel-door and unlocked it,
fancying himself the only mourner in all the broad land, and feeding on
his own selfish sorrow.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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