And during this short time, what scraps of his early life he revealed!
By degrees I picked up bits of his early deprivations and difficulties,
if such they might be called. He had been a newspaper reporter, or had
tried to be, in Kansas City, had worked in the college restaurant and
laundry of the middle-West State university from which he had graduated,
to help pay his way. Afterward he had assisted the janitor of some great
skyscraper somewhere--Kansas City, I believe--and, what was most
pleasing to me, he in nowise emphasized these as youthful difficulties
or made any comment as to their being "hard." Neither did he try to
boastingly minimize them as nothing at all--another wretched pose. From
him I learned that throughout his youth he had been carried here and
there by the iron woman who was his mother and whom he seemed to adore
in some grim contentious way, smothering his comments as though he
disliked to say anything at all, and yet describing her at times as
coarse and vulgar, but a mother to him "all right," someone who had made
marked sacrifices for him.
She had once "run" a restaurant in a Western mining camp, had then or
later carried him as a puling baby under her shawl or cloak across the
Mojave Desert, on foot a part of the way. Apparently he did not know who
his father was, and he was not very much concerned to know whether she
did or not. His father had died, he said, when he was a baby. Later his
mother, then a cook in some railroad hotel in Texas, had sent him to
school there. Later still she had been a "bawler out," if you know what
that means, an employee of a loan shark and used by him to compel
delinquent, albeit petty and pathetic, creditors to pay their dues or
then and there, before all their fellow-workers, be screamed at for
their delinquency about the shop in which they worked! Later she became
a private detective! an insurance agent--God knows what--a kind of rough
man-woman, as she turned out to be, but all the while clinging to this
boy, her pet, no doubt her dream of perfection. She had by turns sent
him to common and high school and to college, remitting him such sums of
money as she might to pay his way. Later still (at that very time in
fact) she was seeking to come to New York to keep house for him, only
he would not have that, perhaps sensing the need of greater freedom. But
he wrote her regularly, as he confessed to me, and in later years I
believe sent her a part of his earnings, which were to be saved by her
for him against a rainy day. Among his posthumous writings later I found
a very lovely story ("His Mother"), describing her and himself in
unsparing and yet loving terms, a compound of the tender and the brutal
in his own soul.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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