About a year or so after he failed my sister E---- announced that Paul
had been there and that he was coming to live with her. He could not pay
so much then, being involved with all sorts of examinations of one kind
and another, but neither did he have to. Her memory was not short; she
gave him the fullness of her home. A few months later he was ostensibly
connected with another publishing house, but by then he was feeling so
poorly physically and was finding consolation probably in some drinking
and the caresses of those feminine friends who have, alas, only caresses
to offer. A little later I met a doctor who said, "Paul cannot live. He
has pernicious anæmia. He is breaking down inside and doesn't know it.
He can't last long. He's too depressed." I knew it was so and what the
remedy was--money and success once more, the petty pettings and flattery
of that little world of which he had been a part but which now was no
more for him. Of all those who had been so lavish in their greetings and
companionship earlier in his life, scarcely one, so far as I could make
out, found him in that retired world to which he was forced. One or two
pegged-out actors sought him and borrowed a little of the little that he
had; a few others came when he had nothing at all. His partners,
quarreling among themselves and feeling that they had done him an
injustice, remained religiously away. He found, as he often told my
sister, broken horse-shoes (a "bad sign"), met cross-eyed women, another
"bad sign," was pursued apparently by the inimical number thirteen--and
all these little straws depressed him horribly. Finally, being no longer
strong enough to be about, he took to his bed and remained there days at
a time, feeling well while in bed but weak when up. For a little while
he would go "downtown" to see this, that and the other person, but would
soon return. One day on coming back home he found one of his hats lying
on his bed, accidentally put there by one of the children, and according
to my sister, who was present at the time, he was all but petrified by
the sight of it. To him it was the death-sign. Some one had told him so
not long before!!!
Then, not incuriously, seeing the affectional tie that had always held
us, he wanted to see me every day. He had a desire to talk to me about
his early life, the romance of it--maybe I could write a story some
time, tell something about him! (Best of brothers, here it is, a thin
little flower to lay at your feet!) To please him I made notes, although
I knew most of it. On these occasions he was always his old self, full
of ridiculous stories, quips and slight _mots_, all in his old and best
vein. He would soon be himself, he now insisted.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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