“I don’t suppose anything.”
“You have no doubt in the matter, sir?”
“None whatever.”
I left him suddenly. I felt I was producing a bad impression, but with
my double down there it was most trying to be on deck. And it was almost
as trying to be below. Altogether a nerve-trying situation. But on the
whole I felt less torn in two when I was with him. There was no one in
the whole ship whom I dared take into my confidence. Since the hands had
got to know his story, it would have been impossible to pass him off for
any one else, and an accidental discovery was to be dreaded now more than
ever. . . .
The steward being engaged in laying the table for dinner, we could talk
only with our eyes when I first went down. Later in the afternoon we had
a cautious try at whispering. The Sunday quietness of the ship was
against us; the stillness of air and water around her was against us; the
elements, the men were against us—everything was against us in our secret
partnership; time itself—for this could not go on forever. The very
trust in Providence was, I suppose, denied to his guilt. Shall I confess
that this thought cast me down very much? And as to the chapter of
accidents which counts for so much in the book of success, I could only
hope that it was closed. For what favourable accident could be expected?
“Did you hear everything?” were my first words as soon as we took up our
position side by side, leaning over my bed-place.
He had. And the proof of it was his earnest whisper, “The man told you
he hardly dared to give the order.”
I understood the reference to be to that saving foresail.
“Yes. He was afraid of it being lost in the setting.”
“I assure you he never gave the order. He may think he did, but he never
gave it. He stood there with me on the break of the poop after the
maintopsail blew away, and whimpered about our last hope—positively
whimpered about it and nothing else—and the night coming on! To hear
one’s skipper go on like that in such weather was enough to drive any
fellow out of his mind. It worked me up into a sort of desperation. I
just took it into my own hands and went away from him, boiling, and— But
what’s the use telling you? _You_ know! . . . Do you think that if I had
not been pretty fierce with them I should have got the men to do
anything? Not it! The bo’s’n perhaps? Perhaps! It wasn’t a heavy
sea—it was a sea gone mad! I suppose the end of the world will be
something like that; and a man may have the heart to see it coming once
and be done with it—but to have to face it day after day—I don’t blame
anybody. I was precious little better than the rest. Only—I was an
officer of that old coal-waggon, anyhow—”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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