Although it is now so many years ago, I can see him now in that dying condition, just as though it all happened only yesterday. "I thought that I could be happy with my son as the Emperor Tung Chi, but unfortunately he died before he was twenty years of age. Since that time I have been a changed woman, as all happiness was over as far as I was concerned when he died. I had also quite a lot of trouble with the East Empress Dowager and found it very difficult to keep on good terms with her. However, she died five years after the death of my son. In addition to all this, when the Emperor Kwang Hsu was brought to me as a baby three years old, he was a very sickly child, and could hardly walk, he was so thin and weak. His parents seemed to be afraid of giving him anything to eat. You know his father was Prince Chung, and his mother was my sister, so of course he was almost the same as my own son, in fact I adopted him as such. Even now, after all my trouble on his account, he is not in perfect health. As you know, I have had plenty of other troubles beside these, but it is useless to mention them now. I am disappointed with everything, as nothing has turned out as I had expected." With this remark Her Majesty commenced crying afresh. Continuing, she said: "People seem to think that just because I am the Empress Dowager that I am bound to be happy, but what I have just told you is not all. I have gone through much more than that. If ever anything went wrong, I was always the one who was blamed. The censors even dare to impeach me once in a while. However, I am philosopher enough to take things for what they are worth, otherwise I would have been in my own grave long, long ago. Just imagine how small minded these people are. Amongst other things they objected to my transferring my Court to the Summer Palace during the hot weather, although I could do no harm by being there. Even in the short time you have spent at Court, you can see that I am unable to decide anything alone, while whenever they want anything they consult with each other and then present their petition to me, which, unless it is something of a very serious nature, I never think of refusing." After the time set apart for mourning had expired, we all went back to the Summer Palace, where Miss Carl re-commenced her work on Her Majesty's portrait. Her Majesty apparently soon got tired of this portrait painting, for one day she asked me when I thought it would be finished. She was afraid that it would not be finished by the time the cold weather came on, when we always removed the Court to the Forbidden City, and she said it would be a lot of trouble and inconvenience to have to continue the portrait there. I told Her Majesty that it could easily be arranged and that she need not worry herself.