Ah, the veil had fallen from my eyes at last: for the first time I
realised how all these weeks he had been drawing me closer to himself,
how his strong will had subjugated mine. My dislike of him had been
brief; he had awakened my interest first, then attracted my sympathy, and
finally won my respect and friendship, until I had grown to love him in
spite of myself. Strange to say, I had lost all fear of him; as I sat
holding communion with myself that night, I felt that I should never be
afraid of him again. 'Perfect love casteth out fear': is not that what
the apostle tells us? It was true, I thought, for now I did not seem to
be afraid either of Mr. Hamilton's strange stern nature, of the sadness
of his past life, or of the mysteries and misunderstandings of that
troubled household. It seemed to me I feared nothing,--not even my own
want of beauty, that had once been a trial to me; for if Giles loved me
how could such minor evils affect me?
Yes, as I sat there under the solemn starlight, with the jasmine sprays
cooling my hot cheek and the soft night breeze fanning me, I owned, and
was not ashamed to own, in my woman's heart, and with all the truth of
which I was capable, that this was the man whom my soul delighted to
honour; not faultless, not free from blame, full of flaws and
imperfections, but still a strong grand man, intensely human in his
sympathies, one who loved his fellows, and who did his life's work in
true knightly fashion, running full tilt against prejudices and the
shams of conventionality.
Often during the night I thought of my mother, and how she had told me,
laughing, that my father had never really asked her to marry him.
'I don't know how we were engaged, Ursula,' she once said, when we
were talking about Charlie and Lesbia in the twilight; 'we were at a
ball,--Lady Fitzherbert's,--and of course being a clergyman he did not
dance, but he took me into the conservatory and gave me a flower: I think
it was a rose. There were people all round us, and neither he nor I could
tell how it was done, but when he put me into the carriage I knew we were
somehow promised to each other, and when he came the next day he called
me Amy, and kissed me in the most quite matter-of-fact way. I often laugh
and tell him that he took it all, for granted.'
'Giles will come to-morrow,' I said to myself, as the first pale gleam
came over the eastern sky, 'and then I shall know all about it.' And I
fell asleep happily, and dreamt of Charlie, and I thought he was pelting
me with roses in the old vicarage garden.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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