'We must always thank Him, dearest, whatever happens,' I returned, as
I knelt down by her and took her burning hand in mine. 'And now you must
tell me what is wrong with you, and why I find you like this.'
'I do not know,' she whispered, almost clinging to me. And it struck me
then that she was frightened about herself. 'As I told Giles, I feel very
ill. The heat tries me, and my head always aches,--such a dull, miserable
pain; and, most of all, I cannot sleep, and all sorts of horrid thoughts
come to me. Sometimes in the night, when I am quite alone, I feel as
though I were light-headed and should lose my senses. Oh, Ursula, if
this goes on, what will become of me?'
'We will talk about that presently. Tell me, have you ever been ill in
this way before?'
'Yes, last summer, only not so bad. But I had the pain and the
sleeplessness then. Giles was so good to me. He said I wanted change, and
he took a little cottage at Westgate-on-Sea and sent me down with Lady
Betty and Chatty, and I soon got all right.'
'So I thought. And now--'
'Oh, it is different this time,' she replied nervously. 'I did not have
dreadful thoughts then, or feel frightened, as I do now. Ursula, I know
I am very ill. If you leave me to Etta and Leah, I shall get worse. I
have sent for you to-night to remind you of your promise.'
'What promise?' I faltered. But of course I knew what she meant. A sense
of wretchedness had been slowly growing on me as she talked. If it should
come to that,--that I must remain under his roof! I felt a tingling sense
of shame and humiliation at the bare idea.
'Of your solemn promise, most solemnly uttered,' she repeated, 'that if I
were ill you would come and nurse me. I claim that promise, Ursula.'
'Is it absolutely necessary that I should come?' I asked, in a distressed
voice, for all at once life seemed too difficult to me. How had I
deserved this fresh pain!
In a moment her manner grew more excited.
'Necessary! If you leave me to Etta's tender mercies I shall die. But
no--no! you could not be so cruel. They are making me take those horrid
draughts now, and I know she gives me too much. I get so confused, but it
is not sleep. My one terror is that I shall say things I do not mean,
about--well, never mind that. And then she will say that my brain is
queer. She has hinted it already, when I was excited at your going away.
There is nothing too cruel for her to say to me. She hates me, and I do
not know why.'
'Hush! I cannot have you talk so much,' for her excitement alarmed me.
'Remember, I am your nurse now,--a very strict one, too, as you will
find. Yes, I will keep my promise. I will not leave you, darling.'
'You promise that? You will not go away to-night?'
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