Every day I had proofs of his thought for me. The flowers and fruits that
were sent into the sick-room were for me as well as Gladys. I was often
touched to see how some taste of mine had been remembered and gratified:
sometimes Chatty would tell me that master had given orders that such a
thing should be provided for Miss Garston; and in many other ways he made
me feel that I was not forgotten.
For some days Gladys continued very ill; she slept fitfully and uneasily,
waking in terror from some dream that escaped her memory. I used to hear
her moaning, and be beside her before she opened her eyes. 'It is only a
nightmare,' I would say to her as she clung to me like a frightened
child; but it was not always easy to banish the grisly phantoms of a
diseased and overwrought imagination. The morbid condition of her mind
was aggravated and increased by physical weakness; at the least exertion
she had fainting-fits that alarmed us.
She told me more than once that a sense of sin oppressed her; she must be
more wicked than other people, or she thought Providence would not permit
her to be so unhappy. Sometimes she blamed herself with influencing Eric
wrongly: she ought not to have taken his part against his brother. '"He
that hateth his brother is a murderer." Ursula, there were times, I am
sure, when I hated Giles.' And with this thought upon her she would beg
him to forgive her when he next came into the room.
He never seemed surprised at these exaggerated expressions of penitence:
he treated it all as part of her malady.
'Very well, I will forgive you, my dear,' he would say, feeling her
pulse. 'Have you taken your medicine, Gladys?'
'Oh, but, Giles, I do feel so wretched about it all! Are you sure that
you really and truly forgive me?'
'Quite sure,' he returned, smiling at her. 'Now you must shut your eyes,
like a good child, and go to sleep.' But, though she tried to obey him, I
could see she was not satisfied: tears rolled down her cheeks from under
her closed eyelids.
'What is it, my darling?' I asked, kissing her. 'Do you feel more ill
than usual?'
'No, no; it is only this sense of sin. Oh, Ursula, how nice it would be
to die, and never do anything wrong again!' And so she went on bemoaning
herself.
I had thought it better to move her into Lady Betty's room. It was a
large square room opening out of the turret-room, and very light and
airy. I had a little bed put up for my use, so that I could hear her
every movement. I told Mr. Hamilton that I could not feel easy to have
her out of my sight; and he quite agreed with me.
In the daytime we carried her into the turret-room. The little recess
formed by the circular window made a charming sitting-room, and just held
Gladys's couch and an easy-chair and a little round table with a basket
of hot-house flowers on it. Mr. Hamilton declared that we looked very
cosy when he first found us there.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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