Uncle's Dream; and The Permanent HusbandDostoyevsky, Fyodor
General
Uncle's Dream; and The Permanent Husband
Dostoyevsky, Fyodor
Princes -- Russia -- Fiction; Russia -- Social life and customs -- 1533-1917 -- Fiction
His dream had agitated him to such an extent that he felt unwilling to lie
down again at once; he decided to walk up and down the room two or three
times first, just long enough to smoke a cigar. Having half-dressed
himself, he went to the window, drew the heavy curtains aside and pulled
up one of the blinds, it was almost full daylight. These light summer
nights of St. Petersburg always had a bad effect upon his nerves, and of
late they had added to the causes of his sleeplessness, so that a few
weeks since he had invested in these thick curtains, which completely shut
out the light when drawn close.
Having thus let in the sunshine, quite oblivious of the lighted candle on
the table, he commenced to walk up and down the room. Still feeling the
burden of his dream upon him, its impression was even now at work upon his
mind, he still felt a painfully guilty sensation about him, caused by the
fact that he had allowed himself to raise his hand against “that man” and
strike him. “But, my dear sir!” he argued with himself, “it was not a man
at all! the whole thing was a dream! what’s the use of worrying yourself
for nothing?”
Velchaninoff now became obstinately convinced that he was a sick man, and
that to his sickly state of body was to be attributed all his perturbation
of mind. He was an invalid.
It had always been a weak point with Velchaninoff that he hated to think
of himself as growing old or infirm; and yet in his moments of anger he
loved to exaggerate one or the other in order to worry himself.
“It’s old age,” he now muttered to himself, as he paced up and down the
room. “I’m becoming an old fogey—that’s the fact of the matter! I’m losing
my memory—see ghosts, and have dreams, and hear bells ring—curse it all! I
know these dreams of old, they always herald fever with me. I dare swear
that the whole business of this man with the crape hatband has been a
dream too! I was perfectly right yesterday, he isn’t haunting me the least
bit in the world; it is I that am haunting _him_! I’ve invented a pretty
little ghost-story about him and then climb under the table in terror at
my own creation! Why do I call him a little cad, too? he may be a most
respectable individual for all I know! His face is a disagreeable one,
certainly, though there is nothing hideous about it! He dresses just like
anyone else. I don’t know—there’s something about his look—There I go
again! What the devil have I got to do with his look? what a fool I
am—just as though I could not live without the dirty little wretch—curse
him!”
Among other thoughts connected with this haunting crape-man was one which
puzzled Velchaninoff immensely; he felt convinced that at some time or
other he had known the man, and known him very intimately; and that now
the latter, when meeting him, always laughed at him because he was aware
of some great secret of his former life, or because he was amused to see
Velchaninoff’s present humiliating condition of poverty.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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