Uncle's Dream; and The Permanent HusbandDostoyevsky, Fyodor
General
Uncle's Dream; and The Permanent Husband
Dostoyevsky, Fyodor
Princes -- Russia -- Fiction; Russia -- Social life and customs -- 1533-1917 -- Fiction
But Vaísia was not looking at her at this moment! His poor suffering face
was at rest now, and happy; for he saw before him the dear image which he
had thought of, dreamed of, and loved through all the long sad nights of
his illness, for the last year and a half! He realised that she forgave
him, and had come, like an angel of God, to tell him of her forgiveness,
here, on his deathbed.
She pressed his hands, wept over him, stood and smiled over him, looked at
him once more with those wonderful eyes of hers, and all the past, the
undying ever-present past rose up before the mind’s eye of the dying man.
The spark of life flashed up again in his soul, as though to show, now
that it was about to die out for ever on this earth, how hard, how hard it
was to see so sweet a light fade away.
“Zina, Zina!” he said, “my Zina, do not weep; don’t grieve, Zina, don’t
remind me that I must die! Let me gaze at you, so—so,—and feel that our
two souls have come together once more—that you have forgiven me! Let me
kiss your dear hands again, as I used, and so let me die without noticing
the approach of death.
“How thin you have grown, Zina! and how sweetly you are looking at me now,
my Zina! Do you remember how you used to laugh, in bygone days? Oh, Zina,
my angel, I shall not ask you to forgive me,—I will not remember anything
about—that, you know what! for if you _do_ forgive me, I can never forgive
myself!
“All the long, long nights, Zina, I have lain here and thought, and
thought; and I have long since decided that I had better die, Zina; for I
am not fit to live!”
Zina wept, and silently pressed his hands, as though she would stop him
talking so.
“Why do you cry so?” continued the sick man. “Is it because I am dying?
but all the past is long since dead and buried, Zina, my angel! You are
wiser than I am, you know I am a bad, wicked man; surely you cannot love
me still? Do you know what it has cost me to realise that I am a bad man?
I, who have always prided myself before the world—and what on? Purity of
heart, generosity of aim! Yes, Zina, so I did, while we read Shakespeare;
and in theory I was pure and generous. Yet, how did I prove these
qualities in practice?”
“Oh, don’t! don’t!” sobbed Zina, “you are not fair to yourself: don’t talk
like this, please don’t!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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