I heard him ask the maid who stood at the door, in that low, decisive,
mysterious tone which doctors cultivate--
'In _here_?'
And then, with a nod, I saw him enter.
'Would not you like to see the Doctor, Miss Maud?' asked Mary Quince.
The question roused me a little.
'Thank you, Mary; yes, I must see him.'
And so, in a few minutes, I did. He was very respectful, very sad,
semi-undertakerlike, in air and countenance, but quite explicit. I heard
that my dear father 'had died palpably from the rupture of some great
vessel near the heart.' The disease had, no doubt, been 'long established,
and is in its nature incurable.' It is 'consolatory in these cases that in
the act of dissolution, which is instantaneous, there can be no suffering.'
These, and a few more remarks, were all he had to offer; and having had his
fee from Mrs. Rusk, he, with a respectful melancholy, vanished.
I returned to my room, and broke into paroxysms of grief, and after an hour
or more grew more tranquil.
From Mrs. Rusk I learned that he had seemed very well--better than usual,
indeed--that night, and that on her return from the study with the book
he required, he was noting down, after his wont, some passages which
illustrated the text on which he was employing himself. He took the book,
detaining her in the room, and then mounting on a chair to take down
another book from a shelf, he had fallen, with the dreadful crash I had
heard, dead upon the floor. He fell across the door, which caused the
difficulty in opening it. Mrs. Rusk found she had not strength to force it
open. No wonder she had given way to terror. I think I should have almost
lost my reason.
Everyone knows the reserved aspect and the taciturn mood of the house, one
of whose rooms is tenanted by that mysterious guest.
I do not know how those awful days, and more awful nights, passed over. The
remembrance is repulsive. I hate to think of them. I was soon draped in the
conventional black, with its heavy folds of crape. Lady Knollys came, and
was very kind. She undertook the direction of all those details which were
to me so inexpressibly dreadful. She wrote letters for me beside, and was
really most kind and useful, and her society supported me indescribably.
She was odd, but her eccentricity was leavened with strong common sense;
and I have often thought since with admiration and gratitude of the tact
with which she managed my grief.
There is no dealing with great sorrow as if it were under the control of
our wills. It is a terrible phenomenon, whose laws we must study, and to
whose conditions we must submit, if we would mitigate it. Cousin Monica
talked a great deal of my father. This was easy to her, for her early
recollections were full of him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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