The Prior gave him a long, steady gaze. "You have sacrificed your faith
to your love," he said, "and that is a sin. You have forgotten your
obedience to the Church for a woman's sake--and that is a sin. Lastly,
you come here professing a monk's vocation, yet acknowledging--with
reluctance--that this woman's face comes between you and your prayers. I
do not say that this is a sin, but I say that you had better leave us
to-morrow, for you have proved yourself unfit for the life that we lead
at San Stefano. Go back to Scotland and marry. Or, if you cannot do
that, we will give you money, and start you in some professional career;
your aims are too low, your will is too weak, for us."
Again the Prior was not quite in earnest. He wanted to try the strength
of his pupil's resolve. But when Dino said, "I will not leave you, I
will tend the vines and the goats at your door, but I will never go
away," the priest felt a revival of all the old tenderness which he had
been used to lavish silently on the brown-eyed boy who had come to him
from old Assunta.
"I will not go!" cried Dino. "I have no one in the world but you. Ah, my
father, will you never forgive me?"
"It is not my forgiveness you need," said the Prior, shortly. "But come,
the hour is late. We will give you shelter for the night, at least."
"Let me go to the chapel first," pleaded Dino, in a voice which had
suddenly grown faint. "I dared not enter it this morning, but now let me
pray there for a little while. I must ask forgiveness there."
"Pray there if you choose," said the Prior; "and pray for the penitence
which you have yet to learn. When that is won, then talk of
forgiveness."
He coldly withdrew the hand that Dino tried to kiss; he left the room
without uttering one word of comfort or encouragement. It was good for
his pupil, he thought, to be driven well-nigh to despair.
Dino, left to himself, remained for a few minutes in the posture in
which the Prior had left him; then rose and made his way, slowly and
feebly, to the little monastery chapel, where a solitary lamp swung
before the altar, and a flood of moonlight fell through the coloured
panes of the clerestory windows. Dino stood passive in that flood of
moonlight, almost forgetting why he had come. His brain was dizzy, his
heart was sick. His mind was distracted with the thought of a guilt
which he did not feel to be his own, of sin for which his conscience did
not smite him. For, with a strange commingling of clear-sightedness and
submission to authority, he still believed that he had done perfectly
right in giving up his claim to the Scotch estate, and yet, with all his
heart, desired to feel that he had done wrong. And when the words with
which Father Cristoforo had reproached him came back to his mind, his
burden seemed greater than he could bear. With a moan of pain he sank
down close beside the altar-steps. And there, through the midnight
hours, he lay alone and wrestled with himself.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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