from those who were too probably the offscourings of Normandy. Beauty
belongs peculiarly to neither race nor nation; yet somehow Valerie
seemed to me, in her bearing and style, the embodiment of all that was
noble and lovely; and though always graceful, her air and sometimes
the carriage of her head seemed haughty--even defiant.
In the many opportunities afforded by propinquity and close residence
together in the same house, and by our speaking a language which we
alone understood, I know not all I said to her then, nor need I seek
to remember it now; suffice it, that softly and imperceptibly the
sentiments of those who love are communicated and adopted; and so it
was with me. She was catching my heart at the rebound--at the
ricochet, as we might say in the trenches. I was beginning to learn
that there were other women who might love me--others whom I might
love, and who were not worshippers of Mammon, like--ah, well--Estelle
Cressingham. If Pottersleigh died or broke his old neck in the
hunting-field, where he sometimes rashly ventured, would Estelle--I
thrust her image aside, and turned all my thoughts to Valerie; yet my
second choice seemed, by the peculiarity of our circumstances, a more
ambitious one and more hopeless of attainment than the first. Daily,
however, I strove to win her heart and to inspire her with that pure
passion which, as a casuist affirms, can only be felt by the pure in
spirit, as all virtues are closely connected with each other, and the
tenderness of the heart is one of them. Was the devil at my elbow, or
my evil angel, if such things be, whispering in my ear? Or how was it,
that whenever I grew tender with Valerie, the image of Estelle came
revengefully, yet sadly, to memory, as of an idol shattered, but
certainly not by me? Oddly enough I still wore her ring on my
finger--the single pearl set in blue and gold enamel--a gift I had as
yet no means of restoring, and could not give away. "Have you ever
looked at a portrait till it haunted you?" asks a writer. "Have you
ever seen the painted face of one, it may be, who was an utter
stranger to you, yet that seemed to fill your mind with a sort of
recognition that sent you out over the sea of speculation, wondering
where you had seen it before, or when you would see it again? The eyes
talk to you and the lips tell you a dreamy story."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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