I accepted them, I hope, modestly. I was almost paralysed by the blow. Instead of being able to leave Upsidonia with a comfortable fortune, I should leave it under an appalling burden of debt. I had lost a hundred and seventy thousand pounds, and could only comfort myself with the resolution never again as long as I lived to put my finger in the Stock Exchange pie. But it was cold comfort enough, and I broke away as soon as I could from the delight of Mr. Perry, who now saw in me a most eligible son-in-law, and from the ill-concealed jealousy of Mrs. Eppstein. I took Eppstein into the library with me on the plea of business. I wanted time to think before I had another talk with Miriam, who, I could see, had been deeply puzzled by the foregoing conversation, and whose due it was to have all the explanation I could offer. CHAPTER XXX "My dear," I said, when Miriam and I had once more sought the seclusion of her garden, and she had asked me what it all meant, "you don't understand English ways yet. It is not to be expected that you should, with your upbringing. But it is absolutely necessary to have _some_ money in England, when you marry, and I thought I would do Hobson a good turn by getting what I wanted from him. It is most unfortunate that it has turned out as it has." But she could not bring herself to this view. "I am sure that however you may try to hide it," she said, "you really only did it because you were sorry for the poor Hobsons. I love and honour you for it, and I am glad you have been rewarded as you have, though I do hope you won't do it again, because now you have _me_ to think of, you know, and, after all, it is very risky." "Miriam," I said, "I am not going to sail under false colours with you. I wanted Hobson's money, and I don't know what on earth to do now I haven't got it." "Why, do just what we had arranged to do," she said. "I am ready to come with you, and if it means that we shan't have to live in the rich way we have talked about, I shall be all the better pleased. It has always been rather a weight on my spirits, and I am very relieved to think that we shall be poor after all." "My dearest of girls, I am afraid you won't like being poor in England." "I should like it anywhere. And I believe you have only been making up all that you have told me, so as to test me." "Test you? What do you mean?" She took my arm, and laid her fair head on my shoulder. "I think you must have been a little doubtful about me," she said, "always seeing me in these unnatural surroundings. You must have thought that I couldn't be brought up in a place like this all my life without being affected by it. You wanted to see how much I cared for luxury for its own sake. Truly, John, I don't want it at all. I only want you." What was I to say to this touching confession?