All this had long been clear. Long clear also were the two paths trod by
the noble army, men and boys. There were those who preached a more
abundant living; and there were those who lived that living.... A
glorious thing, indeed, it was for a man so to go his quiet ways that he
became an example and model to his fellows, who were made better in that
their lives had touched his exemplary one. But here, alas, was an
aspiration for the saints, not for weak men with known bitternesses and
passions in their blood, and all youth's furies hot upon them. And
surely in that other summons there was, besides, the thrill of romance,
such as the young love. There was the trumpeting to high adventure. Few
there were to touch, few to remember, even the saintliest life lived in
a noble narrowness, a noble silence. But the word of truth, spoken from
no matter what obscurity, will rise and ring round the world, and remain
forever in the pattern of men's thought. Here, indeed, was a 'bliss to
die with, dim-descried.'...
So it was that one boy had found his heroic ideal, long since, in the
grim voice crying in the wilderness. And in the years the secret picture
had grown very clear, curiously full of meaning. There was descried,
like something remembered from another life, an innumerable company upon
a rocky plain, a little river rushing by, and in the distance a City....
He had seen something of life in his time at the medical school, and
before that, when he was still looking about, trying to decide what he
should do. He had observed in these days of leisure, read, and burned.
And he had come back to his old home-city, overflowing with fine
passions, aflame with new-old secrets and forgotten truths. What
speeches there had been to make in those days, what roaring things to
write, what shouts to be flung from the house-tops!
And now he had been at home again over a year; he had been right here
in the Dabney House a year this month. And what had he done for
his faith?
He had done precisely what a weak man does, precisely what he had
passionately resolved never to do. He had found life hard, and he had
compromised with it. A minute routine pressed upon him, and he had
suffered that routine to swamp his perspective, to drown out his fires.
It was a good and useful work that he did: he never doubted that. To
take the pain from a sick body, to put a coat on a bare back, this was
worth a man's doing. But none knew better than he that that body would
grow sick again, that back once more wear naked: and all the while the
untouched causes of these wrongs festered and reinfected and spread, and
a fig for your Settlements and your redoubled "relief." Was there not a
bay-tree that flourished, and had he not been summoned in a vision to
lay an axe to its roots? Behold, he gave his youth to spraying at the
parasites upon a single small leaf.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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