“No,” he said, “never mind that. It is too late for that now, that is
all over. Good God! all over!” and he panted for breath. “I have been in
this room waiting for you,” he struggled on, “since five o'clock. I came
with my heart full to the brim. I have dreamt about what this evening
was to be to us every night for a week. I was ready to kneel and kiss
your feet. I waited hour after hour. I was ready to pray--yes, to
_pray_, like a fool--that I might hold you in my arms before the night
ended. Not half an hour ago I went out to see if you were coming. And
you were coming. At the corner of the street you were bidding good-night
to--to Ralph Gowan--”
“Listen!” she burst forth. “Mollie was with me--
“Ralph Gowan was with you,” he answered her; “it does not matter who
else was there. You had spent those hours in which I wanted you with
him. That was enough,--nothing can alter that.” And then all at once he
came and stood near her, and looked down at her with such anguish in his
eyes that she could have shrieked aloud. “It was a poor trick to play,
Dolly,” he said; “so poor a one, that it was scarcely like you. Your
coquetries had always a fairer look. The commonest jilt might have
done such a thing as that, and almost have done it better. It is an old
trick, too, this playing the poor fool against the rich one. The only
merit of your play has been that you have kept it up so long.”
He was almost mad, but he might have seen that he was trying her too
far, and that she would break down all at once. The long strain of
the whole evening; his strange, unnatural mood; her struggle against
wretchedness--all were too much for her to bear. She tried to speak,
and, failing, fought for strength, sobbed thrice, a terrible, hysterical
sob, like a child's, and then turned white and shivered, without
uttering a word.
“Yes,” he said, “a long time, Dolly”--but his sentence was never ended,
for that instant she went down as if she had been shot, and lay near his
feet quivering for a second, and then lying still.
He was not stayed even then. He bent down and lifted her in his arms and
carried her to the sofa, pale himself, but not relenting. He seemed to
have lived past the time when the pretty, helpless figure, in all its
simple finery, would have stirred him to such ecstasy of pain. He was
mad enough to have believed even her helplessness a lie, only that the
cruel, ivory pallor was so real. He did not even stoop to kiss her when
he turned away. But all the treasure of faith and truth and love had
died out of his face, the veriest dullard could have seen; his very
youth had dropped away from him, and he left the old, innocent dreams
behind, with something like self-scorn.
“Good-by,” he said; “we have lost a great deal, Dolly--or I have lost
it, I might say. And even you--I believe it pleased even you until
better fortune came; so, perhaps, you have lost something, too.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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