That was their last afternoon together. The catalogue had been finished
with. Miss Flodden took Greenleaf for a drive in her cart. They sped
along under the rolling clouds of the blustering northern afternoon,
the rooks, in black swarms, cawing loudly, and the pee-wits screeching
among the stunted hedges and black stones of the green, close-nibbled
pastures; it was one of those August days which foretell winter.
Greenleaf could never recollect very well what they had talked about,
except that it had been about a great variety of things, which the
blustering wind had seemed to sweep away like the brown beech leaves
in the hollows. The fact was that Greenleaf was not attending. He kept
revolving in his mind the same idea, with the impossibility of solving
it. He was rather like a man in love, who cannot decide whether or not
he is sufficiently so to make a declaration and feels the propitious
moment escaping. Greenleaf was not in love; had he been, had there been
any chance of his being so, Val Flodden would not have been there in the
cart by his side; she had once told him, in one of her fits of abstract
communicativeness, that people in love were despicable, but for that
reason to be pitied, and that to let them fall in love was to be
unkind to them, and to prepare a detestable exhibition for oneself. So
Greenleaf was not in love. But he was as excited as if he had been.
He felt that a great suspicion had arisen within him; and that this
suspicion was about to deprive him of a friendship to which he clung as
to a newly-found interest in life.
About Miss Flodden he did not think--that is to say, whether he might be
running the risk of depriving _her_ of something. He had not made love
to her, so what could he deprive her of? Besides he thought of Miss
Flodden exclusively as of the person who was probably going to deprive
him of something he wanted. Deprive him if his suspicions should be
true. For if his suspicions were true, there was no alternative to
giving up all relations with her. He was not a selfish man, trying to
save himself heartburns and disenchantments. He was thinking of his
opinions, solely. It was quite impossible that they should become the
toys of an idle, frivolous woman. Such a thing could not be. The sense
of sacrilege was so great that he did not even say to himself that such
a thing could _not be allowed_: to him it took the form of impossibility
of its being at all.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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