"Fanny _is_ a good fellow," he answered slowly, reflectively, but he
looked at neither of the women as he spoke. The fact was that for all
his experience of men and matters Pauli himself had come to a point
where he didn't understand anything anymore than they did. Life was
for him, as for them, one great confusion. Except his terrible need
for Corinne, clear, urgent, urgent beyond any words.... But now this
picture of Tante Ilde at Fanny's! Tante Ilde shining white, Tante Ilde
who thought that all wolves were lambs inside and even in process
of being devoured scarcely perceived their true nature. Life was,
indeed, presenting itself in its most unreasonable and confounding
aspect. "Much will be forgiven her because she has loved much," was all
right for everything except just this ... or if a daughter had been
in question. Then he tried honestly to think, not according to that
feeling that had leapt up in him at Corinne's words, but according to
his usual way of easy judgment.
"Fanny has a gold heart, I can't tell you not to go," he hesitated,
"she deserves it," he finished at last, but evidently against the
grain. Pauli was really very ill at ease at that special manifestation
of the disorder of their world. _Where_ were your feet and where your
head? Tante Ilde at Fanny's! What after all did it mean? All kinds of
saints in the world, he knew. Still it was a pity, among a thousand
other pities. Indeed Pauli was shocked in a way that neither of the
women were. Pauli, to whom nothing human was foreign, was shocked at
a little thing like Tante Ilde's going to Fanny's, when everybody,
everywhere was up against real death and destruction--a detail like
that and he who had seen everything was not only shocked but horrified.
Riddle. Riddle. Then suddenly he changed the conversation and pulled
out his wallet again, crying, without any noticeable preamble:
"Tante Ilde must have a presentli!"
Uncomfortably he felt that the special problem confronting them
had grown out of material ruin; lack of security was, after all,
regulating that situation. In a word when you didn't have money you did
a lot of things that you didn't do when you had it. It was as plain and
as stupid as that.... It put decency on an indecent footing or vice
versa. And morality, why morality positively had its legs in the air.
What little he could do for Tante Ilde wouldn't be enough to give her
existence a basis. He knew what he could do for her and what not.
Life was now a small sheet on a big bed and whichever end was pulled,
somebody was left bare.
Corinne gave Pauli one of her palely flashing looks that always left
him blinded as he laid those bank notes by Tante Ilde's plate, almost
in among the bare bones of the chicken. He had a strange expression on
his face, something final that made Tante Ilde suddenly and terribly
anxious, as he returned it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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