Vignettes of Manhattan; Outlines in Local ColorMatthews, Brander
General
Vignettes of Manhattan; Outlines in Local Color
Matthews, Brander
Manhattan (New York, N.Y.) -- Fiction; Short stories, American
"It's about that speech of mine in the third act that I want to make a
suggestion," said the actor. "It's a very good speech, too, and I think
I can get three laughs out of it, easy. You know the speech. I mean the
one about the three old maids: 'There were three old maids in our town;
one was as plain as a pikestaff, and the other was as homely as a hedge
fence, and the third was as ugly as sin; and whenever they all three
walked out together every clock in the place stopped short. Their
parents had christened them Faith and Hope and Charity; but the boys
always called them Battle and Murder and Sudden Death.' Now, don't you
think it would help to ring out the point more if the orchestra was to
play 'Grandfather's Clock' very gently just as I say that 'every clock
in the place stopped short'? What do you think? That's my own idea!"
The dramatist said nothing for a second or two, and then told the actor
to consult the stage-manager, who was just returning to begin the
rehearsal of the third act.
The new scene had been set swiftly and the furniture was already in
place. The first of the actors to enter was the cadaverous and irritable
Stark. He began glibly enough, but soon hesitated for a word, and then
broke out impatiently, regardless of the presence of the two authors:
"Oh, I can't get that line into my head! And I don't know what it means,
either! How can you expect a man to speak such rubbish?"
As before, nobody paid any attention to this petulance, and the actor
went on with his part without further comment.
Dresser then entered, and the two men proceeded to misunderstand each
other in the most elaborate fashion. The character which Stark
represented had reason to believe that the character that Dresser
represented was the uncle of the character that Daisy Fostelle
represented and was also a soldier. In like manner Dresser had reason to
believe that Stark was the lady's uncle and also a sailor. They
addressed each other, therefore, in sailor talk and in soldier talk; and
the fun waxed fast and furious. At the height of the misunderstanding
Daisy Fostelle entered unexpectedly and found herself instantly
immeshed in the humorous complication, with no possibility of plausible
explanation.
Once the stage-manager reminded Dresser that he had omitted a phrase.
"You left out 'Confound it, man!'" he said.
"I know it," the actor explained, "but I wanted to save it to use in my
next speech. It goes better there--you see if it does not."
And Sherrington decided that "Confound it, man!" was more effective in
the later speech; so the transposition was authorized, to Dresser's
satisfaction.
The stage-manager had this important scene of mutual misunderstanding
between Stark and Dresser and Daisy Fostelle repeated twice, until every
word fell glibly and every gesture seemed automatic. And so the
rehearsal went to the end, Sherrington applying the finishing touches,
and seeming at last to be fairly well satisfied with the result of his
labors.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account