Autobiographical fiction; British -- Belgium -- Fiction; Brussels (Belgium) -- Fiction; Love stories; Women teachers -- Fiction
I groaned under her bitter sternness. Never—never—oh, hard word! This
hag, this Reason, would not let me look up, or smile, or hope: she
could not rest unless I were altogether crushed, cowed, broken-in, and
broken-down. According to her, I was born only to work for a piece of
bread, to await the pains of death, and steadily through all life to
despond. Reason might be right; yet no wonder we are glad at times to
defy her, to rush from under her rod and give a truant hour to
Imagination—_her_ soft, bright foe, _our_ sweet Help, our divine Hope.
We shall and must break bounds at intervals, despite the terrible
revenge that awaits our return. Reason is vindictive as a devil: for me
she was always envenomed as a step-mother. If I have obeyed her it has
chiefly been with the obedience of fear, not of love. Long ago I should
have died of her ill-usage her stint, her chill, her barren board, her
icy bed, her savage, ceaseless blows; but for that kinder Power who
holds my secret and sworn allegiance. Often has Reason turned me out by
night, in mid-winter, on cold snow, flinging for sustenance the gnawed
bone dogs had forsaken: sternly has she vowed her stores held nothing
more for me—harshly denied my right to ask better things…. Then,
looking up, have I seen in the sky a head amidst circling stars, of
which the midmost and the brightest lent a ray sympathetic and attent.
A spirit, softer and better than Human Reason, has descended with quiet
flight to the waste—bringing all round her a sphere of air borrowed of
eternal summer; bringing perfume of flowers which cannot fade—fragrance
of trees whose fruit is life; bringing breezes pure from a world whose
day needs no sun to lighten it. My hunger has this good angel appeased
with food, sweet and strange, gathered amongst gleaning angels,
garnering their dew-white harvest in the first fresh hour of a heavenly
day; tenderly has she assuaged the insufferable fears which weep away
life itself—kindly given rest to deadly weariness—generously lent hope
and impulse to paralyzed despair. Divine, compassionate, succourable
influence! When I bend the knee to other than God, it shall be at thy
white and winged feet, beautiful on mountain or on plain. Temples have
been reared to the Sun—altars dedicated to the Moon. Oh, greater glory!
To thee neither hands build, nor lips consecrate: but hearts, through
ages, are faithful to thy worship. A dwelling thou hast, too wide for
walls, too high for dome—a temple whose floors are space—rites whose
mysteries transpire in presence, to the kindling, the harmony of
worlds!
Sovereign complete! thou hadst, for endurance, thy great army of
martyrs; for achievement, thy chosen band of worthies. Deity
unquestioned, thine essence foils decay!
This daughter of Heaven remembered me to-night; she saw me weep, and
she came with comfort: “Sleep,” she said. “Sleep, sweetly—I gild thy
dreams!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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