"There you're right," remarked Aunt Julia, entering suddenly. "These women know little and what they know, they know wrong. Get a clean slate to work upon, secure a girl whom you can teach, and--well, your chances will be better." CHAPTER XII We fell back upon the sublime, the luminous art of newspaper advertisement. Alluring pictures of natty maids in jaunty caps and perfectly fitting dresses, as an answer to the question, "Do you need help?" emerged from our subliminal consciousness, capped by the legend, "If so, advertise in ----" So we advertised in ----. Each newspaper seemed to vie with the other in exquisite promises to be-cook our kitchen. There appeared to be no possible, probable shadow of doubt about the proceeding. It was so easy that the inelegant simile of "rolling off a log" impressed us as being absolutely justifiable. I flatter myself that the advertisements I composed were delightful--gems of succinct thought, though Letitia seemed dubious. "I think you ought to offer some inducement," she said, "in order that our advertisement should stand out from the rest--something to indicate that we really are desperate. I suppose--please don't smile, Archie--that it wouldn't do to hint that we give handsome Christmas presents." "What an immoral suggestion, Letitia!" I exclaimed testily. "It is putting a premium on cupidity and incompetence. I am surprised at you. Moreover, it is so horribly suggestive of the idea of beating a hasty retreat after the receipt of those presents." "Don't be so snappy, Archie," retorted Letitia peevishly. "I am merely trying to throw light upon the situation. We ought to do something. What do you say to mentioning matinée tickets once a week?" "Or souvenirs if she runs for a hundred nights," I suggested gloomily. "Of course," said Letitia resignedly, "if you ridicule everything I say, there is no use my making further remarks. Put in the advertisement as you like--'Cook wanted.' How original! Eighteen hundred people want cooks, and eighteen hundred people won't get them. I merely meant to emphasize our own special need. Do you think"--suddenly--"that if we made it worth while at the newspaper offices, they would print our advertisement in red ink--right in the center of all the others--or--or in gold?" "No, my girl," I replied shortly, pretending to look very sapient, as though I were marvelously familiar with the inner workings of newspaper offices. Then, conciliatingly, "Your idea is good, Letitia, but impracticable. We must take our chance with the vulgar herd." "At any rate," she cried despairingly, "you can surely say that this is a lovely, refined home, with scarcely anything for a cook to do, and--and--paint it up, Archie; paint it up. Moreover, we want a clean slate, as Aunt Julia suggested--something inexperienced for me to teach."