“Figures won’t lie,” asserts the oracle. “Thet’s so,” retorts the plain, old, common-sense man, “but liars kin figger.” And the old fellow is right. Witness some of the stunts done by Carroll D. Wright as to the increased cost of living, and young Garfield’s showing of a net profit to the Beef Trust of a dollar, “marked down to 99 cents,” on each steer slaughtered. My old colleague, T. H. Tibbles, Mr. Watson’s running mate in 1904, and now editor of a 25-cent-a-year Populist weekly at Omaha, Neb., _The Investigator_, was editor of the _Nebraska Independent_ when young Garfield made that justly famous report. As I recollect, Tibbles figured that the Beef Trust must have a secret railroad (not a rebate) to Mars and had smuggled in countless thousands of beef cattle from that little, old red planet, contrary to the Dingley Bill “in such case made and provided,” because— There weren’t enough beef steers on this old earth of ours—and haven’t been since the days when Christ drove the “System” out of the Temple—to account for the Beef Trust’s fortune at 99 cents per. I have never examined Tibbles as to his proficiency in arithmetic, but I’m willing to bet a hat—a wide-brim “Cady” (Eugene Wood, please analyze)—that Tibbles either made a Sherlock Holmes “deduction” regarding that Martian railroad, or— Perish the thought, that the martyred President’s son—well, had been doing some “figgerin’” and other things. * * * * * I’ve been doing some real hard figgerin’. The P. O. D., which means in proper spelling, Post Office Department, insists that because we change to WATSON’S MAGAZINE, dropping the “Tom,” that we must apply for a new entry as second-class matter. Of course, as a matter of fact, as our legal friends remark—no, I won’t say that, in view of what Abe Hummel did and what Jerome is failing to do—our _lawyer_ friends, rather, we never have been “second-class.” That’s a way Madden has of irritating publishers. TOM WATSON’S MAGAZINE always was _first-class_—now, wasn’t it? At any rate, we have to tell the P. O. D. how many subscribers we have; how many we sell at news-stands, etc. Of the subscribers, we must show how many came direct, how many took a premium, how many subscribed through an agent or a newspaper clubbing with us. It’s a big job to get this correct, because right now we’re swamped with new subscriptions and renewals. I think I got it right, however, and as the figures may interest you, I shall give you an idea what each State is doing. Georgia still keeps far in the lead. Texas, Alabama, Missouri, Nebraska, New York, Mississippi, Arkansas, Tennessee, Illinois and Kansas follow in the order named, ranging from two to fifteen per cent of the total. Florida, North Carolina, California, Louisiana, Indiana, South Carolina, Ohio, Kentucky, Pennsylvania, Iowa and Oklahoma—in the order named—have less than two and one or more than one per cent. of the total.