By the Thursday morning of their stay he was in the lowest spirits. For
three nights they had played to wretchedly bad houses owing to counter
attractions elsewhere; his old trouble of sleeplessness was returning
and he felt ill and horribly depressed as he walked down through the wet
dingy streets to the Shakspere Theatre. There was a rehearsal of Romeo
and Juliet, and the insolent manner and insufferable conceit of the
Juvenile Lead proved just the last straw. After going through some great
agony in life, and going through it well and bravely we are sadly apt to
break down under some quite trifling strain. A petty thing will irritate
us absurdly in the reaction after great distress, and Macneillie lost
his temper now and scolded the offending actor right royally. When an
habitually quiet, self-restrained man does lose his temper he usually
does it with great thoroughness. Romeo was impressed as he might have
been by a sudden thunder storm on a winter’s day, but those who really
knew the Manager were troubled at such an unwonted scene, and Ivy
glanced at him with the conviction that his health was again breaking
down.
It was an uncomfortable rehearsal and Macneillie went back to Seymour
Street doubly depressed. His thoughts turned to that April afternoon at
Stratford on the river. He had been strong then, but
“It is very good for strength
To know that someone needs you to be strong.”
Christine’s presence, though in one sense it had been his most severe
trial, had been in another an incentive to endure. To-day, in his
lonely room with food before him which he could not touch, with a
brain exhausted by want of rest, and harassed by a hundred cares and
annoyances, he came perilously near to yielding. For that was the worst
of it. The struggle was not one to be gone through once and for all,
it was constantly recurring. And always he had the consciousness that
Christine’s reverence for law was weaker than his own, that she would
quickly yield to his lightest word. It was moreover so fatally easy to
go to her, so hard to be loyal to that shamefully unfair law of the land
which should be reformed.
To check his thoughts he took up one of the London papers. The first
thing that met his eye was the announcement that Sir Matthew Mactavish
had died in the distant place of refuge which he had succeeded in
gaining. And almost immediately afterwards he noticed a paragraph in
which was a brief account of the marriage of the Honourable Herbert
Vane-Ffoulkes to Lady Dunlop-Tyars, widow of the late Sir John
Dunlop-Tyars, Bart.
He smiled a little over the memories evoked by those names, but the dark
cloud soon stole over him once more.
“Villains can die,” he thought to himself, “and empty-headed fools can
marry, but I must still drag on this death in life!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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