But it was not I, not I! I told nobody, save these white, mute
pages.... I cried this to her within me, inaudibly, desperately,
loudly. She was across the table, directly opposite me and not once
did she even touch me with her gaze. Beside her, someone's ripe,
yellow, bald head. I heard (it was I-330's voice):
"'Nobility' of character! But my dear professor, even a superficial
etymological analysis of the word shows that it is a superstition, a
remnant of the ancient feudal epoch. We...."
I felt I was growing pale,--and that they would soon notice it.
But the phonograph within me performed the prescribed fifty chewing
movements for every bite. I locked myself into myself as though
into an opaque house; I threw up a heap of rocks before my door and
lowered the window-blinds....
Afterward, again the telephone of the commander was in my hands
and again we made the flight with icy, supreme anxiety through the
clouds into the icy, starry, sunny night. Minutes, hours passed....
Apparently all that time the logical motor within me was working
feverishly at full speed. For suddenly somewhere at a distant point
of the dark blue space I saw my desk, and the gill-like cheeks of U-
over it and the forgotten pages of my records! It became clear to
me; nobody but she ... everything was clear to me!
If only I could reach the radio-room soon ... wing-like helmets,
the odor of blue lightnings ... I remember telling her something in
a low voice and I remember how she looked _through_ me and how her
voice seemed to come from a distance:
"I am busy. I am receiving a message from below. You may dictate
yours to her."
The small, box-like little cabin.... I thought for a second and then
dictated in a firm voice:
"Time 14:40. Going down. Motors stopped. The end of all."
The commander's bridge. The machine-heart of the _Integral_ stopped;
we were falling; my heart could not catch up and would remain
behind and rise higher and higher into my throat.... Clouds.... And
then a distant green spot--everything green, more and more distinct,
running like a storm towards us. "Soon the end."
The porcelain-like white distorted face of the Second Builder!
It was he who struck me with all his strength; I hurt my head on
something; and through the approaching darkness while falling I
heard:
"Full speed--aft!"
A brusque jolt upward....
RECORD THIRTY-FIVE
In a Ring
A Carrot
A Murder
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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