All the most beautiful influences are quiet; only the destructive
agencies, the stormy wind, the heavy rain and hail, are noisy. Love of
the deepest sort is wordless, the sunshine steals down silently, the dew
falls noiselessly, and the communion of spirit with spirit is calmer and
quieter than anything else in the world quiet as the spontaneous turning
of the sunflower to the sun when the heavy clouds have passed away, and
the light and warmth reveal themselves. The subdued rustle of leaves,
the hushed footsteps sounded as usual in the great library, but Erica
was beyond the perception of either place or time.
Presently she was recalled by the arrival of another student, who took
the chair next to hers a little deformed man, with a face which looked
prematurely old, and sad, restless eyes. A few hours before she would
have regarded him with a sort of shuddering compassion; now with the
compassion there came to her the thought of compensation which even here
and now might make the poor fellow happy. Was he not immortal? Might he
not here and now learn what she had just learned, gain that unspeakable
joy? And might not the knowledge go on growing and increasing forever?
She took up her pen once more, verified the dates, rolled up her
manuscript, and with one look at Livingstones's journal, returned it to
the clerk and left the library.
It was like coming into a new world; even dingy Bloomsbury seemed
beautiful. Her face was so bright, so like the face of a happy child,
that more than one passer-by was startled by it, lifted for a moment
from sordid cares into a purer atmosphere. She felt a longing to speak
to some one who would understand her new happiness. She had reached
Guilford Square, and looked doubtfully across to the Osmonds' house.
They would understand. But no she must tell her father first. And then,
with a fearful pang, she realized what her new conviction meant. It
meant bringing the sword into her father's house; it meant grieving him
with a life-long grief; it meant leaving the persecuted minority and
going over to the triumphant majority; it meant unmitigated pain to all
those she loved best.
Erica had had her full share of pain, but never had she known anything
so agonizing as that moment's sharp revulsion. Mechanically she walked
on until she reached home; nobody was in. She looked into the little
sitting room but, only Friskarina sat purring on the rug. The table
was strewn with the Saturday papers; the midday post had just come.
She turned over the letters and found one for herself in her father's
handwriting. It was the one thing needed to complete the realization
of her pain. She snatched it up with a stifled sob, ran upstairs to her
room, and threw herself down on the bed in silent agony.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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