English drama -- 17th century; English drama -- Early modern and Elizabethan, 1500-1600
_Ven._ 'Tis food to some, my lord. There are old men at the present,
that are so poisoned with the affectation of law-words (having had
many suits canvassed), that their common talk is nothing but Barbary
Latin. They cannot so much as pray but in law, that their sins may be
removed with a writ of error, and their souls fetched up to Heaven with
a sasarara.[223]
_Lus._ It seems most strange to me;
Yet all the world meets round in the same bent:
Where the heart's set, there goes the tongue's consent.
How dost apply thy studies, fellow?
_Ven._ Study? why, to think how a great rich man lies a-dying, and a
poor cobbler tolls the bell for him. How he cannot depart the world,
and see the great chest stand before him; when he lies speechless,
how he will point you readily to all the boxes; and when he is past
all memory, as the gossips guess, then thinks he of forfeitures and
obligations; nay, when to all men's hearings he whurls and rattles in
the throat, he's busy threatening his poor tenants. And this would last
me now some seven years' thinking, or thereabouts. But I have a conceit
a-coming in picture upon this; I draw it myself, which, i' faith, la,
I'll present to your honour; you shall not choose but like it, for your
honour shall give me nothing for it.
_Lus._ Nay, you mistake me, then,
For I am published bountiful enough.
Let's taste of your conceit.
_Ven._ In picture, my Lord?
_Lus._ Ay, in picture.
_Ven._ Marry, this it is--"A usuring father to be boiling in hell, and
his son and heir with a whore dancing over him."
_Hip._ He has pared him to the quick. [_Aside._
_Lus._ The conceit's pretty, i' faith;
But, take't upon my life, 'twill ne'er be liked.
_Ven._ No? why I'm sure the whore will be liked well enough.
_Hip._ Aye, if she were out o' the picture, he'd like her then himself.
[_Aside._
_Ven._ And as for the son and heir, he shall be an eyesore to no young
revellers, for he shall be drawn in cloth-of-gold breeches.
_Lus._ And thou hast put my meaning in the pockets,
And canst not draw that out? My thought was this:
To see the picture of a usuring father
Boiling in hell--our rich men would never like it.
_Ven._ O, true, I cry you heartily mercy,
I know the reason, for some of them had rather
Be damned in deed than damned in colours.
_Lus._ A parlous melancholy! he has wit enough
To murder any man, and I'll give him means. [_Aside._
I think thou art ill-moneyed?
_Ven._ Money! ho, ho!
'T has been my want so long, 'tis now my scoff:
I've e'en forgot what colour silver's of.
_Lus._ It hits as I could wish. [_Aside._
_Ven._ I get good clothes
Of those that dread my humour; and for table-room
I feed on those that cannot be rid of me.
_Lus._ Somewhat to set thee up withal.
[_Gives him money._
_Ven._ O mine eyes!
_Lus._ How now, man?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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