There had never been tender relations between Mark and his father like
those between the boy and his mother and sister. His father was always
kind to him, but betwixt him and his boys he had let grow a sort of hard
skin. He had not come so near to them as to the feminine portion of his
family--shrank indeed from close relations with their spirits, thoughts
or intents. It arose, I imagine, from an excess of the masculine element
in his nature. Even when as merest children they came to be kissed
before going to bed, he did not like the contact of their faces with
his. No woman, and perhaps not many men will understand this; but it was
always a relief to Mr. Raymount to have the nightly ceremony over. He
thought there was nothing he would not do for their good; and I think
his heart must in the main have been right towards them: he could hardly
love and honour his wife as he did, and not love the children she had
given him. But the clothes of his affections somehow did not sit easy on
him, and there was a good deal in his behaviour to Cornelius that had
operated unfavourably on the mind of the youth. Even Mark, although, as
I have said, he loved him as few boys love a father, was yet a little
afraid of him--never went to him with confidence--never snuggled close
to him--never sat down by his side to read his book in a heaven of
twilight peace, as he would by his mother's. He would never have gone to
his father's room for refuge from sleeplessness.
Not recognizing his condition his father was surprised and indeed
annoyed as well as startled to see him: he was in no mood for such a
visit. He felt also strangely afraid of the child, he could not have
told why. Wretched about one son, he was dismayed at the nocturnal visit
of the other. The cause was of course his wrong condition of mind; lack
of truth and its harmony in ourselves alone can make us miserable; there
is a cure for everything when that is cured. No ill in our neighbours,
if we be right in ourselves, will ever seem hopeless to us; but while we
stand wrapped in our own selfishness, our neighbour may well seem
incurable; for not only is there nothing in us to help their redemption,
but there is that in ourselves, and cherished in us, which cannot be
forgiven, but must be utterly destroyed.
There was an unnatural look, at the same time pitiful and lovely, about
the boy, and the father sat and stared in gathering dread. He had nearly
imagined him an angel of some doom.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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